Here we go again. Writing another baby's story of how they came into the world. My last baby. My bookend. All my kids on the shelf. In their order. Setting the course for our family. Violet Scout, our last baby is here and she has a story to tell.

This will probably be my longest birth story ever. I apologize to anyone here to read along. (Skip down till you see a b&w photo of a calendar to read just about the day she came) I don't want to forget anything from Violet's story. She is wrapping up my growing babies journey and there are so many important details I want to remember - starting from before we even officially decided to try for another baby.

Beginning

This pregnancy started with some fear and anxiety which I've never experienced during a pregnancy. Maybe because we had waited a couple months longer than all of the others. Maybe because there was a length of time there that I thought we weren't going to have another. David and I had several hard conversations around adding a 4th. He really felt done and I really didn't. There was a short amount of time that I genuinely tried hard to cope with the idea of being done growing babies. If David was done, I needed to honor him and what he was feeling. But I just couldn't imagine Teddy being our last. I couldn’t imagine not experiencing pregnancy and childbirth again. I finally convinced David that it wouldn't be as bad as he thought. That even though there would continue to be a long, trying period of toddlers and babies, he would be so thankful to have that big family. Somehow, I got him to let down his guard and agree to start trying the same month our offer got accepted on the house we wanted to buy in December 2021. (haha)

When we decided to go for it, and I got a positive test that first month, there was a legitimate worry of loss. Those few months of wondering if there was another baby in my future had me thinking this was "too good to be true" - it happening so fast like the others did. So I held onto the news with trembling hands instead of confidence in God's goodness in protecting this precious gift.

This pregnancy also came with morning sickness for the first time ever in my career of growing babies. It was probably nothing compared to that of others, but for me, I had never experienced any sickness in a pregnancy. I was shocked when I found myself throwing up in the backyard of the Cedarwood house while I was clearing out the rest of the things to move to our new house. I actually smiled afterward wondering if this could be a sign of twins! (yes, I’m THAT crazy lady)

Now, with this being our last planned pregnancy and me still wanting five babies, I was secretly hoping maybe a miracle would happen and I would be carrying twins. Silly I know, but I am that weirdo mom that has prayed for twins each time I’ve gotten pregnant.

Between the bit of worry that caused me to search for blood on the toilet paper every time I wiped and the hope that this could be twins, I asked David if I could schedule a very early ultrasound. I had never done that before. So at seven weeks gestation, I went to a private clinic that offered volunteer ultrasounds. The tech covered the wand in that cold, thick jelly and ran it over my still completely flat belly and announced the news of one healthy embryo. She moved the wand in all directions "just to be sure there is just one in there", and I hoped she would find more, but of course there was just one. I was genuinely sad for a minute there. Of course I was happy to see a live and well teeny tiny baby, confirming to me that there was no need to fear, but my hope of twins was squashed that day.

David and Gideon had joined me for the appointment. They left in David's car and I walked to mine alone. I was still a little heartbroken. My dream of having 5 babies slipped away when the tech confirmed this was a singleton pregnancy but then I heard God whisper " I love you so much Natalie, but I also really love David, and your marriage, and this is what is best for you guys". I smiled when I heard and felt these words in my heart. He was right. This was best for David - for us.

That early ultrasound was an important step in this pregnancy because up until this point I hadn't done any research on midwives in the area. If I had been carrying twins, I would be considered high risk and would have to give birth at a hospital. Confirming that it was indeed only ONE made it so I could move on from dreaming and start looking up midwifery care in Fort Collins. Which, in retrospect was the greatest gift, because even though having twins would be amazing, missing out on birthing a baby at home would be sad. I was pretty surprised when I did a Google search of the area that I only had two options here in Fort Collins, without broadening my search to the Boulder/Denver area. ( I now know there are more midwives in the surrounding area, but at the time, that’s all I could find online.) There was one purely homebirth practice and then there was a stand alone, midwife-run Birth Center. Since my last two were born at home under the care of one midwife, I decided to start with the homebirth practice.

David and I set up a consultation with that midwife when I was 13 weeks pregnant. We had a good conversation with her and she let us know that she only had one more spot left around my due date, so without much hesitation, I told her to put us on the books. Unfortunately, after my first prenatal appointment I began to feel like I should have given myself more time before making that decision. Without going into too much detail, there were a few things during that initial prenatal that didn't make me feel supported or trusted in how I wanted to birth my baby or in the decisions I was making surrounding my pregnancy. I walked away form that appointment feeling pretty unsettled. But I had already made the decision to work with her ( I had already paid the non-refundable deposit) so there was no going back now, was there? The days following that appointment I became more and more bothered by several things that were said at each of my encounters with her. I have never had this happen before. I've always loved my midwives from the start and felt like we clicked right away. I have listened to hundreds of birth stories and knew it was normal and totally okay to change my mind, but if you know me, you know that I am not good at confrontation and wouldn't want to offend this midwife by telling her I wanted to leave her practice. I was also feeling stumped because I just had it in my mind that I wouldn't want to go to the birth center. I mean, I'm a homebirther!

I was hesitant to tell David how I was feeling because I knew we would lose our deposit if we switched care. I opened up to one of my homebirth mama friends about it all - saying it out loud made me realize how much it was actually troubling me. She immediately suggested I start looking for different care and then she told me about her own experiences switching care during two of her three pregnancies. I needed to hear this so much. I had no idea she had gone through this before and knew it was totally God that I had chosen to talk to her, specifically, about this. (Thanks Nik!) Finally, after that conversation, I felt ready to talk to David about it. He came out of his office for a cup of coffee and suddenly all the emotions I was holding in about it were spilling out of me. Of course, he totally understood and said not to worry about the money.

The next day I called the birth center and asked if the midwives there attended home births. The answer was yes and I realized I should have known that would be the case. I don’t know why I assumed they didn’t. I scheduled a consultation and instantly felt so much better making a step in a new direction.

Oddly enough, the soonest date that the birth center had available for me to come in was on the same day of my next prenatal with my current midwife. I took the date though, thinking it might be a good way to compare the two and see how I was feeling that day. Maybe my next prenatal appointment would prove that I was overreacting or reading things incorrectly? I went to that appointment with an open mind. I prayed the whole way there, asking God to make it clear and fill me with peace. I also prayed for my midwife and asked God to give me a tender heart toward her. That appointment went okay, but I still had that feeling that we weren't on the same page. For whatever reason, I didn't feel comfortable there. We just really didn't click - that's how I felt on my end at least. I scheduled my next prenatal with her (thinking I'd probably not be going to that one) and then headed straight over to the birth center for my consultation.

I walked into the Center and was instantly dazzled. It was such a beautiful, tranquil space. The birth center I used with Gideon was a lot different than this. More clinic-y feeling. This one felt like I was stepping into a spa. I sat down on one of the couches next to a mama with an itty bitty baby and then realized she went to my church. I didn't know her well, but I definitely recognized her and she recognized me. She was spilling over with praise for the care she received there and how she wished she could have had her first two babies there too. In my heart, I was thanking God as she talked. He was already giving me such clear direction and comfort there.

Althea - the head midwife who started the birth center greeted me and invited me into a private room to chat. It was so easy to talk with her and she felt for me in my concerns. We talked for a long while and then she gave me a tour of the facility. You should have seen the look on my face when I saw the birth tubs! The rooms were gorgeous, complete with every coping tool you could think of wanting at your birth. I wanted to start care right then and there, but I told her that I had rushed into my last decision and I needed to give myself a little more time to pray and make a careful decision this time.

I already knew what decision I was going to make as I drove home, but I decided to still take the day to pray. I called the birth center the very next morning, joyously stating that “I'd love to transfer into their care”.

The next steps in the process of switching care was not as easy. I chose to write an email to my midwife telling her the news. Her reply came with much surprise and she asked if I would share what had been said to make me feel so uncomfortable. I was hesitant to be fully honest, but since she had asked I laid it all out for her as gently as I could. In the end, I felt okay with our correspondence but was so happy when the back and forth emails ended and I could put all that behind me and look forward to meeting and getting to know my new team at the birth center.

The funny thing is, the initial reason I didn't pursue the birth center was because I wasn't sure they would attend home births, but after seeing the facility, I was actually considering a birth center birth for this baby. I wouldn’t have to worry about my house being clean or setting anything up. I could just arrive to a perfectly clean room with a reliably hot birthing tub (if you know my other birth stories you know that would be huge for me) and focus only on pushing a baby out. But after an adorable conversation with Gideon where he said, very matter of factly, that of course "we had to have our baby at home", it became instantly clear to me that's what I really wanted. He also told me that he wanted to be there. So from then on, that became the plan - a home birth with Gideon (and possibly Maple and Teddy) by my side. I ordered a book that I heard about on the Birth Hour called “Bringing Home Baby” that was written to help prepare children for home births and leaned into this new and exciting plan.

There's not much to share between that point (about 17 weeks) and 32 weeks gestation. I had monthly visits, was getting to know lots of different people on staff at the birth center, and was very happy with how everything was going.

I guess I’ll add that another decision I made earlier on was to get the early blood test to confirm gender versus waiting till the 20 week ultrasound. I did this through that same private ultrasound clinic that did my early ultrasound. And we got the results the day before David left for a 3 week work trip to Europe. It was such a gift because I got to tell David in person, rather than over the phone. I was ecstatic to find out that our 4th and final baby was a GIRL! Thank You Jesus! I needed this happy news to get through the long stretch. I took a pink paint pen and wrote on the shower walls“ IT’S A GIRL!” and filled the shower with pink balloons. But I decided to be sneaky and put blue balloons in the rest of the bathroom to throw him off the scent. It was a fun intimate way of sharing this special news. And this was the first time I got to be the one to tell David. With Gideon, he found out and told me. With Maple, we had a big gender reveal party with all our best friends. With Teddy, we gave the results to my brother in law and he surprised us in a special way. So it was so fun to do another rendition of sharing the results.

We had decided on a date a few weeks back that if we had a girl she would be named Violet. A name David had on his mind since he was in high school. Random, I know. But his lifelong friends confirmed that he’d been talking about “Violet” for a long time. I used to tease him that she was his “dream girl” haha

We were thinking of giving her my Dad’s mom’s name as a middle but, although I love her name and adore my Grandma, I wasn’t dead set on using it. Not all our kids have family names so I didn’t feel pressure to pass on a relative’s name to Violet. And then one day while driving out to Steamboat Springs, a truck with a camper top passed us with the word “SCOUT” on the front in big capital letters. I saw it and read it aloud. “Scout. I like that. That would be a cute name. Should we name her Violet Scout instead?” David said he saw that name and had the same thought. Then he started saying maybe we should just call her first name Scout. But the kids wouldn’t have it, so we settled on Scout as her middle name that day. It was an extra special name since David and I had just finished reading “To Kill a Mockingbird” and were quite smitten with the character Jean Louise “Scout” Finch. I liked the name even more after looking up the definition of a Scout - a soldier or other person sent out ahead of a main force so as to gather information about the enemy's position, strength, or movements. This felt like such a cool spiritual word over her!

On the way home from that trip while discussing her name again I heard this word over her “she will march to the beat of her own drum”. Which was a sweet thought since she would be the youngest of 4 very wiley kids. I liked knowing she would pave her own path, instead of just following in line with the rest.

At my 32 week prenatal appointment baby girl was BREECH! I was genuinely so shocked. I've never had a baby present breech in the third trimester. I had been considering seeing a chiropractor, hearing it was a really enjoyable ritual during pregnancy and this was just the motivation I needed to get me to make the call. So from then on, I went in once a week, twice a week at the end. I also began to do spinning babies exercises - forward leaning inversions, cat-cows, and dip the hip. I tried my best to always sit correctly and use an exercise ball when eating meals at the table. I had never been so mindful of my body positioning. At my next appointment she had turned from breech but now was lying transverse (horizontal across my belly) - again, not good but there was still lots of time to correct this. By 35 weeks she was head down but in the oblique position. Instead of having her bottom up, she had her booty way off on my right side and she stayed like that, kicking me on my side till she decided it was time to come out.

At 35 weeks, David and I flew the coop for a week in a camper van, exploring the San Isabel Wilderness and enjoying some freedom before our life became one baby crazier. It was a beautiful trip.

The day we returned from our babymoon, this strong urge to always have the house clean kicked in - specifically the living room/kitchen (where I was planning to have the pool set up for the birth). I needed it clean and free of clutter every night. I wasn’t even allowed to have a home birth till the next week, but still, I felt the need to have everything ready to go. I also had a strong urge to go camping with the kids. Our adventure away was so satisfying and fun, but it made me long to be out exploring with the kids. I couldn't believe we had gone all summer without taking the camper out as a family once. I was determined to make it happen, and despite a few bumps in the road, David supported me and we spent two days enjoying the beauty of the Wyoming Snowy Range mountains with the kids. It was so special. One last memory with the family we'd known for the past 2 years.

We came home and I felt so fulfilled. Having that last memory camping together made me feel so ready to welcome the new baby and the shift in family dynamic.

Now with each consecutive baby coming a week earlier than the last (Gideon 40 + 2, Maple 39 + 2, Teddy 38 + 0), I was fully prepared to go into labor that week we returned - I was just hitting 37 weeks. I realize that would be a pretty early baby. I know keeping a baby in longer is usually a good thing, but with my history, it was hard to not be tempted to think things could follow the same pattern.

I kept telling myself that if I were to have a fifth baby, a sixth baby, that pattern would have to shift, my body wasn't gonna be popping out 36 week babies. It was silliness. But still, I couldn't get my mind off of 37 weeks being an option this time. Even in the weeks prior, I had already started to analyze everything. There were a couple bad nights of sleep where I woke up in a panic thinking I was having contractions. Clearly my head was not in the right place. And the silly part was, I didn't even want an August baby. I wanted Violet to be born in September, for no real reason except that I liked the idea of it more.

So I spent that 37th week making lists and checking things off one by one. Night out with my friend Laura. Check. Get nails done with Sandi. Check. Swim at the pool a lot. Check. Deep clean the house. Check. Take a swim at Horsetooth Reservoir. Check.

On the 27th of August, I experienced about two hours of regular, cyclical Braxton hicks contractions during nap time. It wasn't enough to make me think anything was really happening, but it did motivate me to get our bedroom situated the way I wanted it for Violet - with the bassinet next to the bed, the changing pad on our dresser, diapers and wipes handy, and her teeny tiny clothes accessible. Those couple hours listening to worship music, swaying with the waves of contractions, and prepping the room, made me so excited for the day I would go into labor and that felt so good to feel. I always have a moment of panic getting close to the due date where I question if I actually like birthing babies as much as I let on. Would I be able to endure the pain and manage to do it at home? But that all washed away that afternoon, while I felt my body practice and prepare to do what it was made to do.

And so we reach 38 weeks. I stupidly picked out a few days that I would have liked to have her on. One being September 1st and the next being the 5th.

I had a chiropractic appointment on August 30th. Afterward I called all over town looking for the electrolyte drink I've had in all my previous labors. (My plan was to just use the same powder mix I'd been using all during this pregnancy to stay hydrated, but last minute decided I didn't want to mess with what was tried and trusted so many times before.) Thankfully I was able to find it at Natural Grocers. They told me they had just gotten a new shipment in that morning. (Thank you Lord! He is in the details.) While I was walking through the store grabbing things, I noticed I was contracting and was feeling lots of pressure on my cervix. Could things be starting?

I woke up the next day and blew my nose and it was bloody. I laughed out loud remembering a dream I had a couple months before where I woke up with a bloody nose and said "it's the bloody show!". I couldn't help but take that as a possible sign that I might go into labor soon and actually have her on September 1st! I had my 38 week appointment that morning and when I walked in they said "you're glowing". I had told myself not to say anything about the dream because it was silly, but I couldn't help it and told them, mostly because I thought that dream was so funny.

I finally got to meet with Althea again at this appointment - my first prenatal with her. We had a really good conversation and I was happy to connect with her again, knowing that would make me feel better if she was the one who showed up at the birth. I had decided to hire a birth photographer for the first time ever and she texted that morning as well asking if anything was happening as she was planning to go to Denver in the early afternoon. I told her I had a good feeling but no real signs of labor. But her reaching out to me that morning wasn't helping my over-analyzing brain.

I decided to treat the day as if it were the last day before the baby and basically recreate some favorite pre-labor traditions. We took our classic last family photo at our front door and then hopped in the car to go on a walk in a special place - Soderberg Trail. On the way to the trail we saw a rainbow and deer. I ran alongside the kids as they biked the trail, thinking "this will for sure do the trick". When we got home we ordered Thai take out to eat after the kids were in bed and watched a show. Then we FaceTimed with Sam and Heather - they had been apart of our last two births in such a special way and I wanted them to be a part of this one too. They prayed for us and spoke some very specific words over Violet and I. I'm so glad we got to talk to them! Then to end the night we had sex, ya know, just in case it was the last time for a while. I stayed up a little longer puttering and cleaning but didn't do everything, not wanting to stay up too late if tomorrow was gonna be the day.

September 1st

Sure enough I wake up around 2 am to a sensation. I went through all the possibilities to why I was awake. Did I have to pee? No. Was I thirsty? Nope. Acid reflux? No. And then I felt a slight burning feeling in my lower back. “Hmm that felt like it could be a contraction.” I was so happy, but also nervous. It's hard to tell when you're laying down if that's really what you're feeling. I remembered the sink full of dirty dishes that I had left. I decided I would get up and load the dishwasher and see what was going on.

I was too awake and anxious at this point to fall back asleep anyway. I was on my feet for about 30 minutes cleaning dishes and was having a mild contraction every 3ish minutes lasting about 30-45 seconds. I tried really hard to judge them fairly. I could feel them on my cervix and wrapping around my back so I didn't think they were just Braxton hicks. I was starting to feel confident but was nowhere near making any calls yet. I went upstairs to pee and from then on the contractions stopped. I got on the exercise ball to bounce and do some hip circles to see if they would come back, but they didn't. Finally I gave up and crawled back into bed pretty disappointed. It took me a long time to shut off my brain and fall asleep. I remember waking up a few more times to light contractions but by the time I woke up in the morning they had stopped altogether.

I was so convinced that labor was coming that day that I basically wrote off all the plans I had for the coming days. But here I was, not in labor and there was stuff we had planned to do.

We met up with Laura and her kids at Avery park. She asked me how I was feeling after I had told her about my night and I basically said "Well I had my magic day yesterday and I'm not in labor yet." Then I threw my hands in the air and said "I've let go. I have no idea when this baby is gonna come." They left and the kids and I stayed a little longer to fish for crawdads in the creek. We ended up catching a bunch and having a great time! It turned into a really fun afternoon and was definitely redeeming my bummed out state of mind.

I had another Chiro appointment that day and I almost forgot to go. Like I said, the day before, I didn't think I would make it to any of my future plans. At my previous appointment that week, they had mentioned trying an induction method on me when I came in next. I've never sought out help to induce labor but since this was my last pregnancy, I figured I'd try it just for fun! Maybe it would get things going again and I'd have her that night - so we went for it!

I came home and went on a sweaty walk in Fox Meadows trying to kick things into gear. I tried to pray and get my head in the right place, but it was hard. I knew I was trying to control things. I wasn't trusting God, His timing, His plan. I couldn't help but think about something I thought I heard him say the night before on our family walk in Soderberg - "not yet". I had heard it so clearly but I didn't want to believe it was really God speaking. Why would He say "not yet" when I wanted this so bad. I was trying really hard to have faith that things would work out just as I wanted them to. This was the story I wanted to tell of Violet. Starting with a funny dream, good family time and then her arrival. So I just couldn't hear "not yet". But now I knew, He was trying to warn me not to get my hopes up. And I had ignored Him.

Since it was Thursday, that meant I'd be putting all the kids down so David could take a Jiu-Jitsu class. The night felt chaotic and rushed. I was tired. I was always tired. And I was bummed. All the kids felt hard to put down and I felt like I was being short with them and just wanted to get it over with. After multiple calls and requests, I finally shut the door saying very gruffly "don't call me again", I found myself collapsing on the stairs and started to bawl. I felt like a terrible mom. I felt so sad about how the night went. "I don't even want to go into labor now" I thought. This isn't how it's supposed to be.

David got home around 9pm and found me on the couch looking sad. I started telling him how bummed I was and how embarrassed I was that I was making it seem like I knew I was going to go into labor to all these different people. I was annoyed that I was making it to all these things I thought I wouldn't make it to because I thought I'd have her in my arms already. Now I felt like I was never gonna go into labor. He was sweet and held me, holding back most of his amusement. I knew I was being silly but I genuinely was so down for a bit there. After I got it all out in the open I felt so much better. That night I didn't clean like a crazy woman or try to have sex with David. I let go of whatever control I thought I had and made peace with God's plan and provision over us.

September 2nd

The next day was Friday the 2nd and I had volunteered to model for some pictures at the birth center with the kids. I didn't plan it out very well because, again, I didn't think I was actually gonna make it to the event. I asked David if he could take a long lunch and come with us so it could be a fun thing rather than a stressful experience - a big pregnant lady trying to keep three unpredictable children cooperating while some random person was trying to take our pictures. Thankfully, David was able to move some meetings around so he could come with us. I am forever thankful for his flexible job.

The shoot was actually really fun and I was so glad that I did make it to the event. It felt like an important experience for my relationship with the birth center and hopefully my future there (I had started dreaming about getting involved with facilitating some community events there to stay in the birth world even after being done having kids). It was also really nice to see everyones faces and for David and the kids to be around the midwives and different people on staff there.

After we were done with the shoot, we headed up to Josh & Johns for an ice cream treat. While we were there, we bumped into Jen - a new midwife who had just moved from California. I had only had one prenatal with her but I liked her right away and felt so comfortable with her. It was nice to meet her husband and daughters and have her interact with my family more. I realized that since her older daughter was in town for the weekend that probably meant she wouldn't be on call. I asked her and she looked at me with searching eyes " are you gonna have a baby this weekend?". I really didn't know and told her, like I told Laura, "I've given up trying to figure it out". Then she shared that she had told Althea that if I went into labor over the weekend they could call her to help because she liked me and my family and would love to be at our home birth. Just hearing those words made me feel so seen and supported. I needed that after the silly whirlwind of a day I had on Thursday.

Friday was a lovely, normal day. We went to the pool after David got off work and I decided to be "crazy" and jump off the diving board - "I mean what's the worst that could happen? I go into labor? Great!"

When we got home I asked David if I could go for a walk. I had been trying to make going for a daily walk a priority over the last week. Partially because I needed the exercise and walking is good for helping babies get into the right position. And partially because I really wanted a walk through Fox Meadows to be a part of this birth story. But mostly because walking/running in nature is where I have the best prayer time and I really needed to connect with God and have Him fill me up with peace and joy before another day closed.

The sky looked stormy but it was still warm out so I went anyway. It was beautiful and moody out and I felt so good. I was hoping to see a brilliant sunset so I hung around in the meadow longer, looking towards the mountains. It started to drizzle and I heard thunder. Lightning struck the sky and I had a good time of prayer asking God to heal some friends of ours who were battling cancer. I was the only one out there and feeling so much of God's presence and power and then it started to pour. I was drenched from head to toe in a matter of seconds and just laughed and enjoyed the moment. Sam and Heather had both had words related to water concerning Violet and the birth. Between jumping into the pool and getting caught in a downpour, I was feeling perfectly wrapped up in God's arms. I had finally fallen into His plan, His timeline, His purpose in the story that was about to unfold. Since I was already drenched, I just walked through the creek to get home faster and was greeted by my 4 favorite people laughing at the soppy mommy walking through the door.

There was nothing special about that night. We ate dinner, cleaned up and had sex. And something happened I never had where I wasn't leaky at all afterwards. It was like everything went right up into my cervix and stayed there haha (sorry for that TMI - it was just an interesting detail that I don’t want to forget) I decided to go downstairs to do one last run through the house and ended up throwing all the toys from the den into the basement “just to make the house feel a bit more peaceful when we woke up the next day”. I laid on the couch and prayed and actually had a few cyclical contractions but wasn't reading into anything for the first time all week. I was texting my good friend Nat (who is a midwife in California), giving her updates and talking through a couple things before I went to bed. It felt so good to have her be apart of this birth story in a small way, like it did with Sam and Heather. Nat was there for my last two babies and I wished she could have been here for this one. I laid down in bed and was having contractions every 15 minutes or so until I fell asleep. In complete peace, not hoping for anything to happen.

September 3rd

I woke up naturally the next day before all the kids and I knew I had been having very very spread out contractions all through the night. Yet I, surprisingly, didn't get up thinking "today's the day". I got out of bed, went pee, and got in the shower with so many happy thoughts. "It's a new day. It’s Saturday. It's the weekend! David doesn't have to work! I don't want to go into labor today. I want to go to the mountains! Maybe Red Feather Lakes.” I felt so good!

When I got out of the shower, David said he and the kids wanted biscuits and gravy, but had decided they would make whatever I wanted for breakfast. I didn't feel picky and told him to go ahead with the gravy. We were missing some ingredients so I asked if he would take all the kids to the store so I could stay home and pray. I felt so good that morning and wanted to spend some time with the Lord thanking Him for this pregnancy and staying in this peaceful state of mind. I put on coffee and went downstairs to start a load of laundry.

I began to notice I was still having those very spread out, mild contractions. It finally hit me that this was going to be a different labor. I finally accepted that. In all my other three labors I never tracked contractions until the day I was actually in labor. This time, I already had several bouts of trackable contractions over the past week, that felt like they were dilating me. I wouldn't call it prodromal labor, but it was still so different than all my other experiences. Making it so hard to know what was real and if I could read anything as a true sign of labor.

When I got downstairs to start the laundry I felt like I needed to poop. In my last two pregnancies, feeling poopy at a time of day I normally didn't go was a sign of labor, but during this pregnancy I'd felt this sensation several times during odd times of the day due to a new supplement I had been taking for heartburn that contained Magnesium. So I didn’t think anything of it. I went in the bathroom, pulled down my pants, sat down, and saw it. Blood on my underwear! (8:35am) Finally! I laughed out loud and probably shed a few tears. I even took a picture (gross, I know) but this was the last time I would ever experience this. Bloody Show! The start of labor. This was also a direct answer to prayer and confirmation that I heard God's voice. I had been asking fervently that God would make it very clear to me that labor was starting. Teddy's birth day went so well because I had bloody show in the morning and knew labor was imminent. I desperately wanted that again. It had been my number one request in prayer. And here it was happening. Thank you Lord! And it happened when I wasn't looking for it, on a day I didn't want to go into labor. When I least expected it - just like God had spoken to me weeks before when I was looking for the umpteenth time for a sign of blood on the toilet paper. "He who promised is faithful."

I immediately texted Nat to tell her the good news. She was the person I was keeping most updated on what was going on and since we had been chatting the night before I figured she should be the first to know.

I left the bathroom laughing. I couldn't believe it was finally happening! Gideon was the first one through the door and I was about to say "do you want to meet baby Violet today" but he sprinted upstairs stating loudly "I have to go pee!" David walked in next and I wanted to say something clever but instead I just blurted out "I just had bloody show". And he reacted in a way that seemed excited and ready and then followed with "So can I go to Jiu-Jitsu today?" Classic! I told him I didn't mind as long and I didn't have to put the kids down for nap on my own. He immediately called his mom to see if she could either come over or have the kids nap at her house. I hadn't even called the birth center yet. I tried to stay calm and collected and not get frantic with him already sounding the alarm. Sandi was happy to help in whatever way we wanted her to. I just needed to figure out what I wanted.

It was hard for me to have perspective for the day. With Teddy, my bloody show started around the same time but I didn't feel contractions till midnight and then I had him 5 hours after the first contraction. But this time, I had already been having contractions since the night before and was still feeling them that morning. Did this mean I'd be having her in the early afternoon? I had no idea!

I first texted my birth photographer. She had mentioned that she would be out of town at a shoot Saturday or Sunday so I wanted to make sure she was in the loop before I couldn't get ahold of her. I was glad I got in contact with her because she was planning on being in Longmont (an hour away) for a dinner party. We decided she'd change the plans accordingly if things picked up quick. Next I called the birth center and Brecklyn answered. I was happy to hear her voice. She was the midwife that came to my home visit and who I had seen the most at the center. I was hoping she would be the one on call. I told her what was going on and about my last experience of bloody show and the timing. I told her I was concerned that I wouldn't know when to make the call (since I didn’t have a great history of calling early enough) and she basically said don't worry about calling them too early.

We ate our biscuits and gravy and talked about how we were going to meet Violet soon! I then requested we go for a walk in Fox Meadows. That felt so important to me. It felt good to do it as a family. It was a beautiful day to have a baby. We played in the creek with the kids and talked through the plan for Sandi to take the kids. I was struggling with the thought of her taking them away. I knew it would be good for me to be alone in the house - for it to stay clean and to have some time to myself to pray and worship before labor really started. But I also wanted to enjoy my last day with them and really wanted them to be there for the birth.

I had no idea how to make sure that happened. We decided to start with them napping at Nana and Tebo's (David’s parent’s house) and go from there. We could always ask them to bring them back home. We ended up packing overnight bags for them all just in case.

Before I knew it, we were packing the kids into Sandi’s new big car. I kissed them all and told them I loved them and as they drove away, I began to cry to David. I felt so bad sending them away. I knew I was just being extra emotional in the excitement of everything that was about to happen, but it did just feel so wrong being without them. David and I snuggled on the couch and he prayed for me. Then he told me he didn't have to go to his BJJ class. That was really sweet (if you know him, than you know he lives for JiuJitsu) But I felt better and didn't mind himleaving me. He promised he’d keep his phone on loud on the mats so he could hear it if I called.

It ended up being so good to be alone in this house. To fill the space with God's loving presence as I got things ready and sent out the news to friends and family who wanted to be praying for us. I decided to let Jen (the midwife from CA) know that I was in labor - we were Instagram friends so I DM’d her on there haha. I figured I'd just throw it out there, on the off chance she was able to make it to the birth.

I cleaned up the kitchen and got out all the homebirth stuff. I accomplished almost everything on the list that I had tacked to the fridge for David - the emergency list in case I had woken up in full blown labor and couldn't remember all the to-dos. Another thing I really wanted to do, but never got around to doing was asking David to take some “last baby/pregnant belly pictures” with my nice camera. I decided it was up to me to make it happen, so I got out the tripod and snapped a few. I felt a little silly doing it, but now I'm so grateful for these to look back on.

When David got home I was down in the den vacuuming and he laughed at me. "Of course you're vacuuming the house while in labor". Of course I was :)

Vacuuming was done but I wanted the floor a little cleaner for when I'd be walking and dancing through the kitchen and living room in early labor (at least that's how I imagined it) so I started to do a light mop of the area. It was around that time that I realized contractions had picked up again in the last hour and maybe I should start tracking. That was around 2:55pm. From that point on I was having a mild contraction every 3-4 minutes lasting 30-45 seconds. After David ate lunch, he helped me set up the birth pool and make the bed upstairs. When everything was done, we sat on the couch and talked through what we wanted to do next. We had joked about getting David a pie to eat at Me Oh My Pie for when I was in labor. His last labor memory from Teddy’s birth, was of him sitting in the living room eating pie and drinking coffee with the midwives when I called him in that “the baby was coming!” and pushed Teddy out.

Around 3:45pm I got a call from Jen. She told me that Brecklyn had called her to let her know I was in labor and they decided that Jen would now be my attending midwife. I told her where I was at and she asked if I wanted her to come over. I said no because my contractions still seemed like the kind that if I laid down they would probably spread out a ton. She suggested I lay down and maybe I could get a nap in if that was the case.

Since labor was still pretty mild, I felt up for the 10 minute drive to get David his pie. The shop was closing at 5, so we needed to go right then to make it happen. I would lay down and try to nap when we got back home.

We took my car which has cushy, fabric seats so I'd be more comfortable. Sitting in the car, my contractions stretched to 8 minutes apart but were definitely more uncomfortable having to sit through them, instead of moving around. At home I had started doing hip circles on the exercise ball during each contraction - that felt really good.

When we got to Me Oh My Pie, I realized that it had been a long time since I'd eaten and I should probably try to get something else in me while I was still feeling good. Surprisingly, a sandwich sounded good so David ordered me one along with a fresh-baked key lime pie and cup of coffee. I ate the sandwich in between contractions. Those long breaks in the car made it easy for me to get it down before the next wave came.

We got home and I thought how strange it was to be doing so many casual things in this labor. I've never volunteered to go for a drive, I've never eaten a meal in labor. And next we were talking about putting on a movie. Again, this has never happened.

I laid on the couch and David tried to read a book to me (we had been reading A Brave New World) but I just could not concentrate on it. No surprise there. So we decided to try a movie. I wanted something light-hearted that I'd seen before - like a superhero movie. We landed on Guardians of the Galaxy. It was so weird laying down on the couch and starting up a movie in the middle of the day, whilst in labor. Weird enough just to be in the house alone this time of day with no kids in sight. David sat back as the movie started and commented on how great this day was turning out for him "Jiu-Jitsu, pie, coffee, and now a movie!” I smiled when he said this because I had noticed how God had been highlighting him to me in this pregnancy. How what David wanted mattered. I was praying since the day at that very first ultrasound when God spoke to me about His love for David, that this would be a special labor experience for him, specifically. That he would get something special from this birth. It made me happy that he was having such a good day!

While laying down, my contractions spread out to every 15 minutes, lasting a minute or more. Just like in the car, they felt pretty uncomfortable to not be moving through them. But I was able to enjoy the movie for the most part as I was having such long stretches between them.

I had been texting with my friend Laura (who was trained as a doula) and at 5:40pm, she texted and gave me some advice if my contractions continued to stay mild and not intensifying. She had a lot of great suggestions that I may not have thought of if she hadn't reached out. God is so good! Putting all the right people in my life. She suggested trying the “side-lie release” position, rebozo sifting/hip shaking, and going for a short walk or walking up and down the stairs if I wasn’t up to leaving the house.

Up until she texted, my plan was to keep resting until Sandi brought the kids home after dinner. I had decided I wanted them to all sleep here in case things picked up late into the night. (I didn't want to have to wake Sandi up to bring them home and I didn't want to have the possibility of them missing the birth because we didn't call in time.) So the plan going forward was to put them to bed and then have sex (always trying to get one last one in haha) and then try to go to bed ourselves.

But after texting with Laura and discussing different things to help labor along, something shifted for me. I began to think more about Violet's position and how that may or may not affect the progression of this labor. That morning when I woke up I noticed Violet was on my left side instead of right and I wondered if all the night contractions were due to here moving positions. But as the day went on I noticed she had gone back into her comfy position on my right side.

I decided right then. that I wanted to start trying things to encourage her to get in the best position - starting with the “restful” Miles Circuit pose. David brought up a pad for me to lie on and I got into the very awkward chest down, butt way up in the air pose and we continued to watch the movie. I laid in that pose for 30 minutes - as suggested. Contractions were not comfortable laying like that, but it felt good to be doing something to hopefully move labor along. I struggled my way out of the pose and then had David help me do the “side-lie release” pose on the edge of the couch. I wasn't sure we were doing it right, but I prayed that if Violet needed to reposition, God would honor our efforts and help encourage her in the right way. Next up - SEX IN LABOR! I couldn't believe this was happening. I had just listened to a birth story just days prior of a midwife telling her client that her and her husband needed to have sex in the middle of full blown labor as a last ditch effort to get her body in action. When I heard that I couldn't imagine how that was even possible, but if her labor pattern was anything like mine, it was totally doable. David was all for helping the process along and I nodded to God thinking, "wow this day really isn't only about me this time" haha (wink).

After that I was not in the mood to watch any more of the movie. It was getting late and I wanted to go for our walk in daylight. And here comes the magical labor walk in Fox Meadows I was praying/hoping/envisioning for so many months.

7:40pm

As we walked up the street I was telling David how I was having this strange experience where I was getting what I wanted, but I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I had been saying for months now how I wanted this last labor experience to be a longer process that I could really enjoy and be present in. While I was praying and asking God to speak to me about this labor months before on a hike, I heard Him say "Present and Presence". That would be two ways to describe this labor. But now that I was experiencing a longer, more gradual labor, where I could be more present for it all, I was hesitant to fully embrace it.

I knew myself as a "quick laborer". That had been my story for the last two and I didn't know how I felt leaving that behind. But in the moment of getting exactly what I asked for, I thanked the Lord and embraced it, hand in hand with the man I love.

I decided to curb walk the rest of the way to the entrance to Fox Meadows. At this point, I could still walk through and even talk through the contractions. We passed a couple with a kid and I felt like saying "I'm about to have a baby!" But I held back (haha) That would have been embarrassing.

We walked through the lower trail and stopped to take a picture in the wild sunflowers. When we stopped there that's when I realized I didn't want David to talk to me while having a contraction anymore. I also started to stop during them at that point. David began tracking for me and they were back at the 3ish minutes apart, lasting about 30ish seconds interval. David was in contact with Jen (my midwife) and Jess (my photographer), keeping them updated on my progress.

When we got out of Fox Meadows I wanted to do some curb walking again on the opposite leg. This time it felt a little more awkward and uncomfortable, but I proceeded anyway - just hoping it would help get Violet in the best position. At the start of the walk, my contractions were in my lower abdomen and back, but now I was not feeling them on my cervix at all so I wasn't convinced she was aligned right to move into the birth canal.

David mentioned that my contractions were seeming more intense and asked if he should tell Jen to come. I said no, I wasn’t ready yet, not convinced things would be ramping up to “real labor” anytime soon.

We got home right around 8pm and Sandi and the kids were there. She was helping them brush their teeth downstairs and I could tell right away that they had gotten on the couch and kinda messed up the waterproof drop cloth and blanket I had set up there. I remember feeling kind of annoyed about that. Haha

I was having a contraction and Sandi started talking to me. I must have been handling it well because she had no idea, David had to tell her. Suddenly that need to be alone laboring hit me hard and I just wanted her to go but I was not gonna tell her that. It felt rude to be like “can you please go? Now.”, especially after she had helped so much that day. She asked me what was going on in my labor and I gave her a short recap of the day, ending it by saying that there was no way I’d be having the baby before midnight - meaning Violet and Steve (David’s dad) would have twinsie birthdays (Sept. 4th). She was surprised to hear that.

Sandi asked if there was anything else she could do to help before leaving, but I said “no, she could go home”. After she left, I tried to bounce on the ball, but that didn't feel good anymore. I then went upstairs and tried to sit on the toilet, but I instantly had a contraction when I sat down and it felt horrible.

All the kids were still up and I told David to hurry and get Teddy to bed so we could start filling the birth pool. He told me that Jen was asking if she should come because she had a 30 minute drive. I said “why don't you put Teddy down and then I’ll decide.” He asked if I was sure. And I honestly didn't know. This labor was so unlike my last two quick births and I just didn’t know how to gauge my feelings.

I walked away and had another contraction that felt really intense and that made me really want to get in the water. After that one passed, I yelled out “tell them to come!” I attempted to start filling the pool, but the water wasn't coming out the hose on the end feeding into the pool. There was a kink at the top of the hose in the bathroom sink that I couldn't fix because there was a hard plastic piece that was in the way. I tried to reposition the hose but then the sink attachment wouldn’t stay on. I couldn’t believe this was happening!

David came out of Teddys room and I told him I couldn't get the hose to stay on. He told me he would deal with it.

I couldn't take it any longer. I NEEDED to be in hot water so I got in the kids’ tiny bathtub and turned on the faucet as hot as it would go. Since Sandi had left I has started to quietly moan through the contractions. But laying there in that tiny tub, I began to moan very loudly. Things went from intense but manageable to very very intense pressure in the water. Maple walked into the bathroom (oh yeah, did I mention, my two big kids were still awake?) and asked “why are you making those noises Mommy”. I reminded her what we had talked about for the last few weeks in preparing for the kid attended homebirth - “Mommy was gonna make lots of funny noises. It was okay.” She wasn’t convinced haha

During a break in contractions, I looked up on the shower wall and saw the kids’ bath toy caddy and thankfully had the wherewithal to move it out of the way for the pictures in case this is where I ended up giving birth. (So thankful I did that haha)

David came in with tape and secured the hose to the sink faucet. After that, we thought everything was working out for the tub. He then he got to work putting Gideon and Maple to bed. While he was gone I began to hear water dripping. I yelled for David and told him to look under the sink. Sure enough, the water was backflowing and coming through the pipes instead of out of the hose. I suddenly felt so stupid for sending Sandi home. We should have let her put the kids down so that David could have focused on filling the tub. I couldn't believe that, once again, we were having birth tub troubles. (Read back on my last two birth stories) I thought we had been so careful to make sure everything was gonna work out this time. We had our water heater cranked all the way up. We did a practice run setting up the tub. I made sure the hose attachment worked on the bathroom faucet. But the one thing I hadn’t done was actually turned on the water and watched it flow from one end to the other. I thought the hose should stay dry leading up to the birth… That was a wrong decision.

David told me he was gonna start filling the tub with cold water form the spigot outside and then start adding pots of hot water from the stove to it. I told him “No!” That wouldn't work. It needed to be filled with very HOT hot water only.

I think, in that moment, I knew the birth pool was not gonna happen. My contractions were so intense. I finally, knew and accepted that she was coming soon. After my next contraction I yelled, “David I feel pushy! Where is Jen!?”

He called her and she said she was 2 miles away. That sounded so close, but with the next contraction I felt Violet crowning and it took everything in me to hold her in. I remembered how in Maple’s birth, Nat had me lay on the bed on my side with my legs together to keep her in while I waited for my head midwife to arrive. I decided to assume that position in the tub and it helped - although it was extremely uncomfortable.

I heard someone come in the front door. It was Jess, my photgrapher. I was so happy someone was here. I was actually relieved that at least Jess would be there to take pictures of Violet coming into the world in case Jen didn't make it in time. But I also felt bad that she was the only one there and wondered if she felt okay with this.

Jess was so sweet and calm. She told me how beautiful the space was. I told her her how the tub wasn't working and she said “your hubby is trying to make it work. I'm gonna help him get a couple pots of hot water in there and then I’ll be back.”

She walked out of the bathroom and then it hit me that my speaker playing my birth songs was downstairs. I could heard one of my favorite songs playing and really wanted/needed the music to be playing closer to me. I yelled out again to David to “Bring up my speaker!”

The next contraction was another where I definitely could have pushed Violet out. My belly looked like a rectangle, I could see her form under my skin and I felt like I was trying to force her in the opposite direction than she wanted to go. It was wild and I don’t know how I managed to hold her back for so long. I don’t even really know what was going on in my head in those moments. I had said so many times since Maple’s fast and furious (dare I say, “easy”) labor how I would kind of like to haver an unassisted birth one day. But, that wasn't the plan and I knew Jen was hopefully close enough that she would make it in time. I also really wanted my kids to be there to see Violet be born, but I couldn't even think about them being there when my midwife wasn't. I don't think David could have handled me doing it alone and have the kids there at the same time. And it didn’t even cross my mind “Oh I can just push her out now and this pain will be over.” The vibe was a little chaotic, between how fast things suddenly ramped up and the tub not working out. I was in no place to have a peaceful, unnassited homebirth.

It felt like I blinked and then suddenly Jen was there by my side. I told her that Violet had been crowning for the last few contractions. She ran down to get her gloves and when she returned I was having a contraction and felt Violet crowning again. I said, in almost a panic, during the contraction, "I’m not ready!” and Jen responded in her calm, supportive midwife voice "You don't have to be". When that contraction ended I looked into Jen’s eyes and said, “I'm not sure if I want my kids here." And she said so matter-of-factly, “If you want them, we can go get them right now. Do you want us to?" And suddenly, I just knew so clearly that I wanted them there, "Yes! Go get them."

Before I knew it they were there with me and I was so happy to see them. Gideon looked so excited. Maple looked a little nervous, hunkered in the safety of her daddy's embrace. I reached for each of their hands and told them how happy I was that they were there. I told them that I might be loud but that I was okay. Jen listened to Violet on the doppler and told me that she sounded great.

8:55 pm

And with the next contraction I bore down and pushed out her head. It felt so amazing having that part done and even more so, looking over and seeing my two big kids there witnessing this miracle.

It felt like I had a nice long pause before I pushed her body out.

She was born en caul! (It didn't even hit me till the next day that I never had the waters breaking moment which is usually my sign that the head is ready to come out.) I saw Jen pull the sac off of Violet’s head and saw it on my left breast. That was pretty cool and so unique.

Violet was covered in a thick layer of vernix. She cried loud and pretty quickly opened her eyes and looked at me. The kids were saying the cutest things, “Aww Violet you're here. She's so cute mommy. You are so brave Mommy. You are so strong! You did it." I wish so badly that I had that all recorded! Gideon and Maple’s presence there made this my favorite birth. It felt like this full circle moment. Especially having Gideon there. My first baby who taught me how much strength I had inside of me, watching my last baby be born.

I birthed the placenta and I stayed in the tub a good long while. I had asked Jen at our prenatal about long delayed chord clamping. I had never really waited very long with the others. This time I wanted to wait till all the blood had drained form the umbilical chord, before disconnecting Violet from it, so that’s what we did. We cuddled in the tub for a bit but I started to feel cold and wanted to get out.

David carried Violet who was still connected to the placenta into our room. I followed after.

We got in our big cozy bed and cuddled under a blanket - me, David, Gideon, Maple, and Violet. (Teddy was snoozing away in the room next door.)

In the end Violet was born right where she was meant to be born. Because of how I needed to lay in that tiny, shallow tub both the kids and my photographer were able to see everything so clearly.

The intimate space of the small bathroom, filled with my family and birth team, with all the lights on made me so “present” for the whole thing. And then getting into my bed right away was amazing. (The original plan downstairs was to be on the couch afterward. Which would have been fine, but I much preferred going straight to my bed after all that hard work.)

My photographer captured some great pictures while Jen and Sheredia looked over my placenta and did the newborn check. And Gideon and Maple were able to be apart of it all.

It was such a beautiful and perfect day and night that I could never have planned out myself. God knew. He knew all along. It just took me way too long to get on board.

Now I have two daughters - both born on the 3rd of their month. Feels pretty special to me and maybe has more to it than I know.

David got to eat his pie that night and I got to drink the champagne I’d been saving since January ( a closing gift from our realtor - that I’d been eagerly waiting to enjoy) FINALLY.

It hit me the next day that this labor really took off when I knew the kids were home. Which was such a different experience than the previous two births which took off when a kid left or when my kids went to sleep. But this time I needed them. I needed to know they were there.

My last pregnancy. My hardest pregnancy. My not greatest moments. I let myself struggle through this one. I felt tired. I felt big. I felt bad. Bad that I didn't feel good. Bad that I wasn't more thankful. Bad that I had to say no to my three kids on the outside so many times. Bad that I didn't want to do much.

And now I laugh. Because in one night that season is over and a new one has come. A different challenge. But one that I'm joyfully up for. In one night I became a mom to FOUR.

Violet Scout Rans, we are so happy you are here. Welcome to the world my love!

We can’t wait to get to know you!

Mama

Other notable details to remember:

Looking for blood every time I wiped

Things Good spoke over the pregnancy/birth:

It will happen when you least expect it

Unlike all the others

Present, presence

Water

"That where I am, you shall be also"

A new day

12 hour labor like Gideon’s - I was asking God that this labor would be a longer experience like Gideon’s labor was

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Prepare yourself for every single detail. Even the minute details. And you betcha, the gory details too. I always want to remember everything. The magic is in the little moments.

• If you want to skip the extra stuff and get to the true BIRTH story, skip down till you see a picture of just me in front of a mirror. And for the even more sped up version, find a picture of my midwife and I in the bathroom. ;)

Now, onto the true grit version…

I kept saying this would be my earliest baby. “But I promise, I'm not getting my hopes up.” I didn't want to sound like every other mother who says she thinks she's going to have her baby early.

This was my third baby after-all, and I was more than happy to go the full 40 weeks (maybe more) before entering those slow-moving newborn days. My life is busy and extra busy now as the holiday season was upon us. Every weekend had something going on. Having a newborn in tow was not going to make my life any easier.

But I just had a feeling.

So just in case I was right, I was eagerly trying to check everything off of my list of "before baby to-dos". My home-birth supplies were happily in order by 37 weeks. I even raised the bar and put them in place in my bedroom just to not have to transfer them the day of. The chances these days of misplacing things was high and I wasn’t gonna let that happen.

The only thing I was waiting on was my birth tub which I was renting from my friend and midwife, Nat. She was out of town till the 24th. But she promised she'd get it to me right away, once she was back.

SUNDAY - 10/25/20

Of course, Nat followed through and had the tub to me the day after she got home, on Sunday.

It was really good to see Nat and talk through a couple pregnancy things I was dealing with and get excited together about what the impending labor and delivery would be like this time! (She was there for Maple’s quick delivery and we had been curious ever since of what my next would be like.)

She talked us through how to set up the tub and then we made tentative plans to get our nails done together that week - a little pre-labor pampering tradition that I still hadn't checked off my list.

And that closed the last weekend before I met my third baby.

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MONDAY - 10/26/20

It was the beginning of the work week again and when David kissed me goodbye at 6 am, I was about to tell him, “keep your phone on you at all times, from here on out” - but alas, sleep overcame me and the words never reached the surface.

The kids woke up at 7:30 (an extra 30 minutes of sleep for me - woohoo!) and when I went in to get them, Gideon opened the blinds and exclaimed, “It’s a beautiful day!” Something about his sweet voice looking into the day with such a positive attitude made me feel really good about the day ahead.

He followed me into my bedroom and immediately saw the still coiled up tub and said, “You didn’t set up the pool Mommy!" I was planning on waiting till David got home in the evening to try and put it together, but I could tell Gideon was excited about it and thought I could possibly tackle it on my own. So Gideon helped me move all the furniture out of the corner of the bedroom to make room for it.

Next, we went and made breakfast and I suddenly felt like I could poop. This was strange since my schedule is so consistent. I always go about an hour after I eat and drink my morning coffee. That poopy sensation was followed by a noticeable amount of mucus in my underpants, enough that I was uncomfortable and needed to clean myself up and get some fresh undies. Wetness is normal in pregnancy, but when I sat down on the toilet I could see this was different. It was a thicker strand of mucus and when I wiped, there was light strands of blood in it! I was instantly brought back to the beginning of Gideon's labor. It looked just like this a day or two before I had him.

I texted Nat to tell her we should probably get our nails done tomorrow (Tuesday) because I had seen a little blood.

She called me immediately and asked if David and I had sex that night or morning. When I said no, she said “this sounds like bloody show to me” and that they often see women go into labor 12 to 24 hours after the first sign of bloody mucus. That’s when things got real for me. I think I knew deep down that this was a sign the baby was coming soon, but I didn’t know it could be that soon. I was thinking more like 2 or 3 days from now. What she was saying meant I could start having contractions after putting the kids to bed that night.

Nat also informed me that Justine (my main midwife) was out of town and wouldn't be back till Tuesday afternoon. I was bummed to hear this, as I had grown really fond of her and wanted to finish the journey with her by my side. But, Nat was back, and I felt really good as long as she'd be there with me. Alia, the other midwife in Justine's practice was on call and I was happy that I had met with her a few times and had a great report from my friend, Heather, about her support from her last son’s birth. I was sad to possibly not have Justine, but I still felt comfort in the team I’d have with me either way. Plus, maybe she’d make it. 24 hours meant starting labor at 8 am Tuesday morning and she could maybe be back in time for that...

Suddenly, being alone with the kids, knowing my impending fate (haha), seemed a bit overwhelming. This baby was going to be born at home and I wanted the space to feel peaceful and I just knew I wouldn't be able to succeed in that, with my two little monkeys bouncing around the house, making their messes everywhere. So, once I got off the phone with Nat, I called Sandi to let her know the news and ask if she could come over and help me set up the birth tub.

I was getting that "poopy" feeling again and still hadn't eaten or had coffee. I finally sat down on the toilet and had very loose stool. Yet another sign that labor was on the way! This was actually very reassuring, because, once I began to spread the word, I started to second guess if this was really happening. At this point, any little labor sign, was happily welcomed.

I then finally called David and got the classic "In a meeting" text reply. It was time for the two call approach. (our sign that I needed him right away) My second call he picked up instantly. This was the first time I had to call him to tell him news like this. He was there with me both other times when labor started. I had a feeling that this time he’d be away.

I could tell in his voice that he knew something was up. I told him about the blood and what Nat said and about having that weird premonition this morning when he left for work. He was so surprised and said my call was good timing since he was in a meeting with all the department heads. Now he could tell everyone at the same time that he probably wouldn't be in the office tomorrow.

We finished with nervous chuckles and "I love you's". This was happening. We both knew it. We just couldn't believe it was happening NOW. I mean, there were still two weeks to go before my due date!

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I started doing little things to get our room ready and feel more clean. Any clutter I moved into our guest room, filling David's home desk with crap (sorry babe). Whatever the rest of the house looked like, I wanted my room to be clean and ready to go at a moment's notice. I also started taking pictures of the day. I was sad to have so few pictures from Maple's birth day and, although, I was hopeful my cousin would make it to the birth and get some photos for me, I wanted to have something in case the timing didn't work out.

I was flitting around the house gathering odds and ends and the kid's were getting restless. I put on a show for Gideon, set out some cars for Maple, brought the diffuser in my room and turned up on worship music, hoping to get in the right mentality. But even with the kids not whining at my feet, I started feeling a little frantic. I was excited, but I can’t say I felt peaceful.

The day Maple was born, I felt so in tune with God. So aligned. So trusting and full of peace, walking in faith towards her story that was about to unfold. I didn't feel that at all this time. This wasn’t how I wanted it to feel going into this labor.

Sam and Heather had already texted about getting together for an outing, and although I didn't want to sound the alarm, I knew I needed a little extra support. I got on the phone with Heather and told her the exciting news. It reminded me so much of last time when I made a similar call. Heather's excitement was such an encouraging sound. I am so thankful to have such good friends so nearby. What a blessing. I asked if they could take the kids so I could spend some time alone setting up the space and praying over the day.

Of course they said a hearty “yes!” and asked if there was anything else they could do for me.

“Hmmmm” I had already been thinking that morning about what I would want my after birth meal to be. I wasn't't sure. With Gideon I craved pizza after the two long hours of pushing. We weren't able to get it though, because it was so late at night. With Maple, I remedied that and ordered pizza ahead of time so we would at least have it to heat up after. Unfortunately pizza, although tasty, wasn't all that I hoped it would be for a post labor meal. Her labor was much quicker and easier and I didn't need all those bready carbs. So what would I want this time? And then I thought how much I'd like one of Heather's delicious homemade soups.

I didn't want to ask too much, but I couldn't help but mention this to her. She said she had just made Tom Kha Gai soup the night before and could bring that for me to heat up whenever I wanted it. That sounded amazing. It was too perfect!

(I would come to learn that day, God was already taking such good care of me, before I even had to ask.)

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Maple seemed tired, and in my excited state, I couldn’t handle the neediness and wanting to be held constantly so I decided to give her an early nap. I told her to pick out a book to read and of course she went and grabbed “Lil Miss Big Sis” - the book I gifted her when we told the kids we were having another baby.

Gideon and Maple snuggled into me and we read it, with so much more meaning and excitement this time. These words would be coming true for them so soon. I kissed my current baby and shed a little tear, knowing everything was about to change. She wouldn’t be my baby anymore. But she would always be my Maple Jane.

I shut the door and felt a calming wave come over me. I had made the right decision putting her down. The ability to make good decisions, isn’t always my strength, especially when it comes to my kids. Guilt, concern, worries about what others think, get the best of me and I don’t always go with my gut. I was happy to be making some wise decisions this morning. Asking for help, being okay with TV to distract, and knowing when rest is needed. I was proud of myself and feeling the reward of being unconcerned for the burdens of others. I had the burden (the wonderful burden) of bringing life into the world to worry about and it was okay to think of myself at this time.

Sandi arrived shortly after Maple went down and we were able to pretty easily, set up the tub together with a little help from Sam and Heather when they arrived.

They came bearing cookies and flowers, a freezer meal and the Thom Kha soup. They're too good to me! They prayed over me in my bedroom. Gideon came in and touched my belly and asked me to pray for him. It was so special having my first son, who made me a mommy there to share in this moment. Maple woke up and they whisked the kids away and were gone. Sandi stayed to help start some loads of laundry, do dishes, fill our waters, and then left and took Gus. Before I knew it, It was just me in the house.

I was already feeling so much better than I had a couple hours prior, but now I was really feeling God’s wonderful peace. Nat had recommended I take a bath to relax and that sounded perfect. I filled the tub with hot water and poured in some special, soothing bubble bath. It was pampering time. I had lavender oils diffusing, my birth songs were playing, and I made myself a cup of red raspberry leaf tea accompanied by some fresh raspberries. Last, I grabbed the jar of notes my good friends had written at my baby shower (that I had yet to read), and then sunk into the tub.

It was such a special time. I felt so loved as I read their sweet words and scriptures they had shared for my birth. I rested my hands on my belly talked to Theo and prayed for him. I prayed for my heart and mind to be clear. Prayed for everything to happen as it should. Thanking God for all he had given me and the wonderful blessing to come. I felt so near to God and was really cherishing this time to prepare myself and our home to welcome baby Theo.

Heather's note particularly struck me. She wrote,

I'm praying for this birth to be an experience that brings you into an awareness of God's love and care for you on a level that you haven't yet known.

I had already begun to see this prayer unfold and was excited to see all that God had for me in Theo's birth story.

I got out of the bath feeling very relaxed and filled with hope.

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I made a last minute decision to get down some strands of lights from our Christmas boxes to hang up in the bedroom. I wanted the room to feel extra cozy if I went into labor at night. This had never happened to me and it was hard to imagine it happening this time, but just in case, I set the stage. For the finishing touch, I taped the words of encouragement and verses around the room. I stood back and looked around. It was beautiful, and I was so happy and full of wonder at the life God had given me.

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It was 3 pm and everything was in it's place. David informed me he would be home soon. He had a jiujitsu class that evening at 5:30 and although I wanted to ask him to skip it, I held back. I really wanted to have a family night, just the four of us, in case it was our last, but this could also be his last jiujitsu class for a while and I felt bad asking him to not go. He let me know he was on his way home around 4pm and said that his class had been canceled. A smile spread over my face and I was reminded, once again, just how much God cared for me.

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Heather brought the kids home around 4:30. I asked her to take one last picture of us as a family of four in front of our home and we made guesses on when Theo would be born. It was all so nostalgic of Maple's birth. (All these things had happened right before she was born.) Heather said 4 am and David said 11 am. I couldn’t get myself to name a time. Seeing as I wasn’t in labor yet, his birth still seemed far away.

We ordered Thai takeout for dinner (I laughed as we ate it thinking of all the birth stories I’d listened to of women eating spicy food to induce labor.) After we ate, we went for a walk in the Elfin forest. I hadn't done anything yet to encourage labor and I figured it was worth a try. Plus, I hadn’t been out of the house all day and I could use the fresh air.

It was lovely to be out in nature. I cherish family walks in our town and thanked God for these three precious loves of mine. and the beautiful life we lived.

We put the kids to bed and I had another special moment with Maple. It really hit me then, that she would no longer be the baby of the family. I teared up again, kissed her soft cheek and said “night night”.

The kids were in bed and David and I enjoyed another favorite form of natural induction ;) Afterward, we got snuggly in the living room and put on the new season of the Great British Baking Show, with our own slices of pie in hand.

Now, the last thing I didn't get to do, was having my nails painted. I decided I'd do it myself! While we watched the show, ate our pie, and painted my nails, I tried to look for any changes in my braxton hick contractions. I had been having irregular braxton hicks for what seemed like months now. They happened often, but in the last couple weeks had become more active on my cervix and felt like they were actually dilating me a bit. Nothing was changing though, as I sat there.

With my nails done, I was ready to go to bed feeling perfectly prepared for my second boy to come.

In bed by 10, we drifted off to sleep quickly and comfortably. I really didn't expect to wake up in labor that night.

Around 12:30 I heard Maple crying and stirred. I felt something like a burning sensation and thought it was just my classic nighttime bout of heartburn. I laid there waiting for her to settle when it hit me that I had been having very broken sleep the past two hours. Maple had been crying for a while, I was feeling slightly uncomfortable and having the strangest dreams. Then I felt the burning sensation again. That was no heartburn. And it wasn't my normal braxton hick. This was different.

I got up to check on Maple. I was still feeling sentimental about my baby girl, so I picked her up and laid down on the couch in their room with her flailed over my big belly. There was that sensation again. I finally gave in and decided it was a contraction - a real contraction. I laid there snuggling my girl and trying to accept the reality of night labor and then another contraction came. All of the sudden I realized this wasn't where I wanted to be having contractions, smushed down by my girl who was no baby anymore. I put her back in her crib, praying for a deep sleep to overcome her.

I crawled back into bed and opened my contraction tracker app. I needed to see how close they were and if there was any consistency. One came, the next came again 6 minutes later, then 8, then 10, 11 - they were predictable, but gradually spreading apart. Should I lay here and try and sleep or get up and see if they would intensify? Maple was still crying off and on and didn't seem like she was going to settle anytime soon, so I woke up David to check on her while I got up to track a few more contractions.

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The contractions were still inconsistent, but were looking closer together on my feet.

David came out with a very sick and sad looking Maple. ( I forgot to mention that Gideon and Maple had both woken up that morning with runny noses. Perfect timing...) We decided it would probably be best to ask David's mom to come pick her up. If this was really happening, we weren’t going to be able to give Maple the attention she needed. Thankfully, we got ahold of Sandi easily and she came right over and picked Maple up.

David called my cousin Joanna, who was planning on coming to experience the midwifery model of birth and take pictures for me. She lives an hour and a half away and needed the time to get up here, so I didn't hesitate to contact her. I wanted her to have time to get here safely.

Around 2 am, I finally texted Nat a screenshot of the contraction tracker to show her what they were looking like. I texted because I was nervous to call and wake my birth team up too soon, but then I remembered what Justine had said about telling them at the first sign of real labor. I pulled myself together and called, but she didn't answer. I called two more times with no answer. This was odd. I decided I should call Alia but then realized I didn’t have her number.

David looked at me and said, “Call Justine.” I felt so bad because she wasn't on call but I didn't have another option at this point. She answered right away and told me she was back in town. She had come back! I was so so happy to hear this! (God knew I wanted her there. He really did care for me.) She asked about my contractions and told me to try to lay back down and sleep if I could and let her know when my contractions were 5,5,5.

She said she was going to get ahold of Nat for me. Not long after we hung up Nat called me. back Her phone was having issues and she wasn't receiving calls, but she thought she heard her phone ring and decided it must have been me calling her so late at night. Good thing, her intuition was right!

Once I got off the phone and started tracking my contractions again they were coming every 3 minutes. I'm guessing that once Maple was gone and I didn't't have to worry about her, my mind relaxed and let my body get into labor-mode.

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I was texting with Nat and Justine. I told them about the change. They asked about intensity and I said "intense but manageable". They expected them to be more intense that close together, but I felt totally in control even though they had ramped up.

By 2:30am they both said they would be on their way over soon. By 3am they were both there with me.

It was strange having them show up to our house at this stage in labor. With Maple I had accidentally waited too long and did all the laboring on my own.

I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first, but quickly realized how nice it was to have the support. I had sent David to bed in the guest room to rest till we needed him. Unfortunately, he didn't have very long to sleep before I had to wake him up to help fill the birth tub. The hose on our bathroom sink was spraying water everywhere. He fixed it and went back to bed. Sadly, it wasn’t long before we needed him again. The water came out hot for a few minutes, but then turned warm. We needed to fill the tub with really hot water to a certain height before we could turn on the heating mechanism. The heater would only maintain the temperature, not heat it up, so the water had to be hot.

David started boiling water on the stove and bringing buckets full of pretty hot water from the hall bathroom. For some reason our bathroom doesn't get hot water as quickly and as consistently. We had this problem with Maple's birth and I didn't get to use the tub because the water was too cold once it was full. I was really happy Nat was there to help us get it right this time. She knew how badly I wanted a water birth!

I swayed through each contraction and even though the intensity was steadily rising, I still felt really good. Theodore, inside me, was swaying too, moving all about. I kept laughing because I couldn’t remember his brother or sister moving in labor at all. He, on the other hand wouldn't stop. Even Nat noticed and mentioned it.

There was slight back labor and some discomfort in my thighs, but if I pushed my knuckles into my lower back, it didn't bother me, kind of doing my own counter pressure. Nat asked if I wanted her to get David to push on my back, but for some reason I didn't want him to. I was happy just having it be me and Nat in the room. Plus he was busy shuttling water back and forth.

Once the tub was full enough, Nat asked if I wanted to get in. It felt so good! I couldn't feel the back labor anymore, and the contractions were so easy in there. It was almost too easy. It kind of worried me. I asked if it was okay if the water made my labor slow down. She reassured me that even if it slowed it down, it would probably just help me rest but wouldn't be so much slower that I wouldn't progress. She said that they would keep an eye on it.

Joanna arrived and started snapping pictures. I was happy she made it and glad she was going to be able to witness all parts of the labor process. Home births are so unique and special. I hoped it would make a positive impact on her life.

Time passed quickly in the tub and I was still feeling really good, chatting with Jo in between contractions. Nat suggested I get on the toilet to change positions. I thought that was probably a good idea. I wasn't concerned about things moving too slowly in the tub, but I liked the idea of not getting stuck in one place. And I had listened to enough birth stories to know that movement and changing positions was always good for progressing labor.

I was left alone for some time. Nat crept back in and sat quietly by the tub, while I labored in the bathroom. I could hear her saying little encouragements, “good” “good job Natalie”. Her words were so gentle and kind. It was the perfect type of encouragement for me. I like my birth space to be quiet and prefer to be alone, but I loved her calming presence. (I’m so thankful for my birth team!)

The toilet ended up being the perfect spot to progress in peace. It was like a dark, safe hole in the bathroom. This didn’t surprise me too much, since the weeks leading up to this day, I had been noticing how open I felt on the toilet, especially when I would poop. It felt like I was actually dilating there a few times, so it was a very comfortable place for me to open up in labor and receive all that the contractions were offering my body.

The contractions quickly picked up intensity on the toilet. I wasn't prepared for that. Up until this point, I was feeling so good. I instantly noticed myself tensing up. Hands clenched, face wincing, holding my breathe. I knew this was all wrong.

I told myself to “open up” and loosened the grip of my hands, eased the look on my face, let my feet relax into the floor. With the next contraction I hummed low and kept my body as loose as I could. I immediately felt the difference. The openness. That's the word for this labor. OPEN.

I was open to all that my body was capable of. Unafraid. Trusting in the process. And with my mind and heart open, my body opened too and each contraction brought my baby down. Once my heart, and mind, and body were aligned, I was right back to feeling so in control and so good. Theo was still moving all about and it just kept me laughing all the way through.

I knew progress was being made. He was always moving down and with his descent came some bowel movements. I was really happy to be on the toilet and just kept flushing away. Before I knew it, my waters popped. It felt so good. Such a wonderful release of pressure. Again, I was ecstatic to be on the toilet. (So much cleaner than my last experience of my waters breaking on our bedroom carpet.) I knew my waters breaking meant business - his head was ready to go.

I was eager to get back in the water. Nat knew it, and said to go ahead. She checked the toilet and saw that the fluid was clear. No meconium - great news!

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I climbed in the tub and sunk down into the water. It was hot! But it felt so good. I looked around and noticed everyone had come into the room. Nat, Justine, Zoey (the student midwife), Joanna, and David were all there. This was our moment to shine. Me and my Theodore.

I grabbed onto the side of the tub, kneeling on my knees and had a very strong contraction. Lots of pressure, but I wasn't going to start pushing until it felt like my body was pushing. I wanted to feel the fetal ejection reflex. that I had heard so much about. After that contraction, I leaned back and Nat checked on Theo’s heart rate. I heard David say that there was one more pot of water on the burner and asked if he should grab it. Justine said to get it and that would be the last one. I felt the next contraction coming and got into position, holding onto the side.

And boy did I feel the reflex. My body began pushing his head out. I yelled "David! The baby's coming!" and he quickly dumped the pot of water into the tub and grabbed onto me and I pushed along with my body.

It was intense, very intense. The hardest part of the night. I felt the burning of his crowning head. And a hundred thoughts started buzzing through my head.

“Here it comes. You can do it. This is intense. This burns. You can stop. No, don't. It will always feel like this. There's no going back. You got this. Do it now."

I committed to the push and let all the energy release. I moaned and groaned and roared. Whatever it took to get his head out. (When I delivered Maple's head, I instinctually reached down and caressed it as I pushed it out.) For some reason, this time, I didn't want t feel his head until it was all the way out. It was like I needed to be detached emotionally until the hardest part was over.

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Finally, the relief hit. His head was out. I joyfully, put my hand on it. His hair was swooshing through the water. There was so much of it! After a short pause, I bore down and pushed his body out. Still a hearty push, but nothing like his head. And then it was over.

I reached down and grabbed him out of the water and held him close. There he was. My second little baby boy. Theodore! "Thank you! Thank you God!" I was so happy it was over. So happy he was here. So happy I got to have him in the water.

He was born at 4:49 am after one minute of pushing. Everything I wanted came to fruition. Everyone I wanted to be there was with me. I held my boy and he was so calm. For the first time in months, I felt a calmness about him, that in the womb, wasn't always there. He was so happy it was over too. So happy to be out, to be in my arms. He made the cutest little sounds but didn't cry. He was incredibly peaceful.

I felt so much love. So much gratitude. So much of God’s tender concern for me in this birth.

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“Look at that hair!” we exclaimed. The boy had so much dark hair and he was covered in vernix. His face was squishy like a puppy dog and he had my pointy chin and chubby cheeks and David’s big lips. He was perfect.

I saw a release of blood in the water. "I think my placenta’s coming." They helped me turn over and sit down on my bottom. Another contraction came and with a small push, the placenta was delivered. There was a thin piece of tissue still attached. Nat was so gentle and patient to help it come and after a minute, and a few coughs, it released.

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She showed us the placenta, where it was attached to my uterus and the sack that Theo lived in. Then with a few snips, David cut the chord and I was ready to get out. The water was pretty hot still and I didn't feel like sitting in bloody water anymore. I handed Theo over to David and he held him, skin to skin, for the first time.

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They helped me get into bed and checked our vitals. Theodore was panting a little so they monitored his oxygen and heart rate. Within 10 minutes, he was doing great. Justine and Nat agreed that the hot water was probably the reason for the heavy breathing.

It wasn’t long before I was ready to take a shower. I felt stinky and sticky.

I love the feeling of showering after birth. Getting dressed in my robe, crawling back into the freshly made bed, and nursing my new little babe is probably my favorite part.

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Theo was weighed and measured. He had a chunky little face but once they laid him down, he looked quite small. We were all guessing 8 lbs maybe a little less, but sure enough, he was was right in line with his brother and sister, weighing 8 lb 7 oz and measuring 20 inches long. Thank God he was born 2 weeks early! He could have been HUGE!

Justine filled out paperwork and asked his name. "Theodore."
”Middle name?”
"James", I said.
"Donald", David said.
"I'll leave that blank and let you guys work that out." (It was comical.)

My birth team helped clean up and then Justine and Zoey left. Nat gave us the "stay in bed" speech, which I was very thankful for. Short, easy labors can trick you into thinking you're ready to move around when you're really not. I was thankful to have this talk once again and hear her genuine concern for our well-being.

It was getting close to 7am and we remembered that Gideon would be waking up soon! We were all excited for him to come out and meet his new little brother. When the clock struck 7, we heard him start to move about the room, turning off the white noice, opening the drawers, changing his clothes. Then we heard the door handle creak, and we all went quiet. He opened the door, turned off the light and then shut the door. He crept into our doorway. He saw Nat and Joanna first and moved slowly, wondering why they were there.

"Guess who's here, Gideon? Your baby brother was born last night! Come up and meet him." He cautiously climbed onto the bed with his best little Gieon grin on his face. He looked really happy and excited but he remained quiet. This was a dream. So different then when he met Maple for the first time.

And then he leaned over the baby and whispered, “Hi little Theodore Donald Rans”.

If you had asked me before, about going into labor at night, I would have said, “I'd never choose that”. But it turned out glorious. The space I created in our bedroom was so cozy feeling in the darkness, while the rest of the world around us was sleeping. I felt safe there, unexposed. And having our firstborn sleeping next-door to the magic taking place in our room, was a wonderful surprise to me as well. I'm not sure if I'll ever want my children present for a birth, but having him wake up to his baby brother was a moment I’ll never forget. Unfortunately, Maple wasn't there for that special reveal, but it was okay. That's how it had to be and I accepted and loved it just as it was.

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It was Tuesday, October 27th, 2020 and the sun was beginning to rise on a new day. A new life. A new family.

We called our friend Sam and asked if he would come pick up Gideon so we could get some sleep. I had only slept 2 hours and David, not much more. We were tired, and ready for the much needed rest we deserved.

Just like that, we were left alone with the third little miracle that we created. We snuggled in and went to sleep.

Happy Birth Day Theodore Donald Rans!

And another Fall Pie Party comes and goes in Los Osos. The fourth one to be exact. This year’s was quaint (as quaint as our 30+ friend group can get) and yet our plates were still packed full of pie. It seemed this year that people were feeling less ambitious and competitive. But then, of course, at the last minute, a bunch of us decided to go all in and get baking! It was another hit and of course Hannah pulled out all the stops again. And Heather decorated our backyard in beautiful fall bouquets!

I’m so thankful for our community of friends and the fun traditions we share together!

Happy eating!

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And the winners this year go to David, Toni, and first place VANESSA!

You’ll have to ask them the specifics of what went into their pies but if I’m not mistaken David’s was coconut cream, key lime; Toni’s was so full of tasty flavors it had the word “BOOM” in it’s title; and Vanessa’s was a mocha, chocolate deliciousness!

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LONG LIVE THE FALL PIE PARTY!

The grandest event of the year in Los Osos comes each fall and this year the mastermind behind it all (Hannah Chillingworth) outdid herself. This party could have easily been mistaken for a wedding reception. It was absolutely beautiful. We partied all night. Ate loads of pie. And basked in the joy of friendship.

And I’ve got to say, it felt pretty good bringing home the first and second place prizes for the best pies ;)

Happy Fall Pie Party!
catch you there next year
circa November 9, 2019

We’ve always been up for an unexpected adventure, and boy was this one unexpected.

Baby Rans #3 is a…BOY!

We found out sooner than expected, or than I thought I wanted. I went into my 12 week prenatal appointment and asked about the genetic blood test to find out about gender. They happened to have a test on hand, so I said “what the heck, let’s do it!” 

They called with the results 6 days later and I was so shocked. The news came so fast and suddenly I was all panicky about knowing so soon. I told my midwife not to say anything anf handed the phone to Michael (who happened to be with us when she called). She told him the results and we asked him to surprise us with the news at an undisclosed time. Little did we know, it would be 2 weeks before he decided to share the news.

Classic Uncle Mike!

For the “long winded” version to finding out the gender click the link below. This is how Michael surprised us with the news.

And for the “let’s cut to the chase” version, here’s we shared the news with Gideon and Maple.

Around that one year birthday and anniversary of bringing my baby into the world I get that urge to do it all over again. So far we’re three for three. Welcome to the family baby Rans number 3! And welcome to big sisterdom Maple Jane!

Happy Babymaking!

It wasn’t the party I was originally planning, but of course we still had to celebrate with a giant golden balloon and all her monthly pictures.

It hit me this year that it will always be a big deal when each of my babies turns one. This day commemorates a huge moment in my life. The day I brought them into the world. Birthing a child that you’ve been growing and carrying, nurturing and wondering about for 9 months. It’s huge!

April 3rd, 2020 was a beautiful celebration of my little wildflower Maple Jane.

It’s crazy how with each child you come to a point where you can’t imagine a life where you didn’t know this little soul.

Maple is so bright. She’s full of life and so active! She’s spunky and fresh – a wild one for sure. She keeps us on our toes. And she’s seriously a class clown. She will definitely be causing some trouble for us. She has become the life of the party in this family. We couldn’t imagine our little pack without her.

The big party I had all planned - in my head of course (nothing ever got on paper, because with two it’s just that much harder for me to get organized) didn’t pan out this year. The 2020 COVID-19 quarantine had just started and I had to cancel all our friends and family who were planning on coming to town. Instead we had a small, intimate party with David’s parents and Uncle Mike. David took the day off. We started with birthday pancakes, then packed up and drove out to the Pozo wildflowers to play and picnic. I had done this last year, right before Maple came into the world to meet us and it just seemed like the perfect way to celebrate her shiny, joyful, wild spirit.

We love you Maple Jane Rans!

Happy ONE YEAR OF LIFE!

Finally posted six months later. (Our Maple Jane is already a year and a half!) The tradition of monthly pictures that document our, babies’s growth in their first year will always be a favorite of mine. Getting these pictures isn’t always the easiest and David laughs at me for how serious I take this task, but I will continue to persevere because capturing this precious, fleeting time is worth it. They say “they grow up so fast” and they’re right. This first year especially, just zooms by and they aren’t this itty-bitty for long. Can’t believe they ever were!

Happy Growing Babies!

June 19 - 22 , 2019

We love to camp! And have fought hard to keep it up since we added babies and toddlers to the mix. It’s been a tradition to go camping for David’s birthday, and I’m happy to say that we only missed one year so far. This year we headed to a special place from my childhood, up in the Sierra Nevada mountains. It was our first time camping here together and I can’t believe it took us 5 years. It is so close to home! (Literally 3.5 hours if you don’t stop.) Luckily, our kids are troopers and we only had to pull over once, and that was by choice. (Look up Bennadiction next time you’re in the Fresno area, and you’ll know why we stopped.)

We didn’t have a reservation, just a dream (haha) and luckily our dream came true! Dinkey Creek Campground had ONE spot open for the 4 days we wanted to camp and the host said it was one of his favorites. It backed right up to the creek - the perfect spot for our almost 2 year old (at the time).

Funny enough, we spent a majority of the trip driving 2 hours up the mountain to do some lengthy soaking at Mono Hot Springs. It was glorious and I’m pretty sure everything David could have hoped for, for his birthday.

I remembered every turn, meadow, overlook, and wind as we drove through that boulder scattered, mountain pass. Although, it was even better and more beautiful then my memories told.

I can’t wait to go back next year!

Happy Camping!

I just read through the blog post I wrote in honor of David and I's one year marriage anniversary. I forgot how much I loved writing – letting words flow, turning everyday thoughts into poetic phrase. And here I am 4 years later. We have hit another milestone. FIVE years married. And now I will try to find words to describe my feelings.

It's been a really fun 5 years. We have done so much. We have lived so much life together. We have learned and grown together. And I am more confident than ever that we are so good for each other, meant to be uniquely the way we each are, together.

We are SO different and yet love so much of the same things. This makes for a wonderful expression of adventure. Heading towards the same things in different directions. Ending in the same place. We build on each other’s interests and stretch each other’s perspectives. Bigger, broader, more beautiful. Together.

It's been mostly a simple life, speckled with big dreams and blessed with lots of special memories. I can't believe all the places we have been together.

The adventures we've had around the world:

1. switzerland

2. germany

3. france

4. italy

5. iceland

6. england

7. scotland

8. austria

9. canada (including british columbia and quebec)

And the ones we’ve had on our own turf:

1. arizona

2. utah

3. nevada

4. new mexico

5. colorado

6. oregon

7. washington

We’ve moved many times. Six, to be exact, after leaving the square. Before we left for Europe the first time (summer 2015) we moved into the Rans House in Los Osos. A year later we got rid of most of our belongings, packed up, and moved to Oregon (summer 2016). We started in downtown Portland, then took a transitional move to the Truax Farm (winter 2017), which is where we decided to stay in Oregon longer. We then jumped over to Lake Oswego (spring 2017). Finally, after 8 months there, we accepted our fate of heading back to California when we were offered the opportunity to live in the iFixit House in SLO (fall 2017). After 3 months of looking around for a place in Los Osos, we ended up moing back into the Rans House. It’s been a little over a year now, and we have no plans to move for the first time in years haha.

Six moves in 4 years is a lot, and I think we’re finally slowing down, although you never know with us. We might move into a trailer and travel around the country before we multiply again.

Speaking of… we have also made and grown and birthed two babies in these 5 years. We have an incredible little boy that has stolen both of our attention and awe and now a baby girl that is destined to do the same with those four little dimples that surround that eternal smile. Our hearts have grown as we’ve welcomed these two special beings into our lives. There was a time that I thought I’d never be ready to share David with anyone. But I’m realizing I get so much more of him. This whole other facet of himself. David the daddy is fun and wild and full of excitement. How did I get so lucky to be a mommy with this amazing daddy by my side!?

We cherish the time we get to snuggle and the time we get alone, but nothing beats being together, all 4 of us. Of course it's crazy and so much different than the first 3 years as just the two of us. Now our days are so much more full. We are stretched and challenged in new ways as parents. Our love is tested and we have come out on top. We are better now than we were before. Because as parents, you can't live for yourself. You must love for others and most importantly for God!

Our love is an outflow of His and we are so thankful to be in this love together.

Happy 5 years Baby!

I love you forever.

the magnificent story of MAPLE JANE RANS
by Mama

where to start? where to begin?
(if you don’t want a butt-load of back story, scroll down till you see a picture of a sunrise and start reading there)

let’s go back to:
February 26, 2019

Kasey texted and asked for my best guesses on when Maple would be born; she was trying to decide when to fly down. I hadn't thought about it much, but sort of felt like she was going to come early. I opened the calendar on my phone so it showed half of March and half of April, closed my eyes, and touched the screen. When I looked, my finger was pointing to April 3rd. That was only 5 days early, so it seemed like the perfect early date to guess. From then on, that's when I told people Maple would be here.

Around that same time, David and I decided to book a last minute weekend getaway at the Cambria Pines Lodge. The only weekend we had free was the week before her due date – risky, but worth the chance to get one last night alone together. We’d get home on April 1st, so if my guess was right, there’d still be 2 more days to prepare for Maple.

fast forward to:
March 30, 2019

Our special weekend was finally here and we were feeling so ready to get away. I had gotten everything set for the home birth and my family was in town to play with Gideon while we were gone. We left in peace, knowing everything was taken care of at home, especially our favorite little boy.

It was a wonderful 2 days of cliffside ocean walks, fancy dinners, king-size bed snuggles ;) , long breakfasts, games of cards, a drive up the coast, and a dip in the hot tub. By breakfast Monday morning, we were both feeling refreshed and fully prepared for Maple to come.

In 3 days we went from an anxious, "Stay in there Maple!", to an enthusiastic, "Okay, you can come now!". We were so so excited to meet our sweet girl.

April 1, 2019

To finish off our special weekend, I went to get my nails done with my friend Perri, treating myself to some extra pampering, in hopes that the big day was just around the corner. Before I got in bed that night, I went over to my weekly calendar on the fridge and wrote "Maple" on Wednesday, April 3rd, in faith that she would be with us that day.

April 2, 2019

Tuesday morning, I woke feeling slightly nervous that my hopes of an early labor were merely hopes. Fortunately, I wasn’t left thinking about that for too long. My friends, the Saiki's, had planned to take Gideon for the morning so I could rest and get things done. A couple hours by myself meant catching up on so many things “I’d been meaning to do” for a while and soon all those nerves about Maple’s due date were lost in the distraction. I ran a bunch of errands, got my car washed, and cleaned up the house.

Gideon skipped nap that day, but was in a great mood and happily joined me in my puttering.

We picked spinach in the garden in preparation to make a big batch of pesto and then got out the instant pot to make pulled beef to freeze for our busy newborn days ahead. I had an ongoing list of “last to dos” and I was determined to check them all off before Maple was here.

At 3:30 we headed to SLO for my second to last prenatal appointment. When I got there I told Tiffany (my midwife) that I was feeling “ripe for the picking”. I had been noticing more mucus when I went to the bathroom the past two days and felt like I could poop all day long (you’d have to be pregnant to understand that haha). She said, "Yep, probably Thursday or Friday then.".

I left the appointment thinking, "Fingers crossed, maybe tonight.". I was in a great mood!

Gideon and I went to Trader Joes and loaded up on all our favorite things, plus some extra goodies like White Cheddar Puffs and my weakness – fudge chip ice cream. I even grabbed pizza ingredients, feeling like making an extra special dinner that night.

When we got home, I was still on that energy high. We put the groceries away, portioned the pulled beef into ziplocs fir the freezer, and made the pesto. I was on a roll and nothing could stop me. I marked beef and pesto off my list and hunted for the next one to tackle. I was checking things off like it was my job!

David got home at 6 and we put Gideon to bed early after a long, busy day. I made the pizza, we devoured it, and then scrubbed the kitchen and tidied up the house till everything was in its proper place. At this point, I was (finally) starting to loose steam, but somehow was able to muster up one last bit of motivation when I saw the big, neglected stack of mail and important papers that I’d put in the middle of our bed earlier that day (knowing I’d have to face it before we got into bed that night).

Those papers had been haunting me for weeks and neither of us wanted to stay up late doing this, but it was on my list, and once we were done, we were both happy to check it off. I crawled into bed completely exhausted and sat there for a minute before lying down, trying to listen to any patterns/rhythms in my body. I found nothing, and immediately felt another wave of nerves that I was just getting my hopes up for a long week of waiting ahead. I collapsed onto my pillow and thankfully, fell asleep fast before I could spend any more time dwelling on that thought.

and suddenly it was:
April 3, 2019

I had a good night's sleep and woke up Wednesday morning, naturally at 6:40am, before Gideon (that rarely happens), to a beautiful, fiery, pink sunrise. I hadn't caught any colorful mornings since the spring time change – it was just glorious – and I was hit instantly with a really good feeling. I couldn't help but think, "Today is the day!" Still, I laid there as I waited for my boys to wake, and surrendered all my hopes and plans to the Lord. He knew Maple's day and, above all, I truly desired His plan for her life, but I couldn’t help but end my prayer with, “How about today, Lord?”

I jumped in the shower when David went to get Gideon up, feeling slightly giddy, like I knew something nobody else knew (kind of the same feeling I had right before we found out we were having a girl). And then, as the warm water poured over me I had a stroke of genius. David should stay home from work and we should have a family day! I mean, it could be our last day as a family of three…

I coaxed a yes out of David by suggesting breakfast on the Embarcadero, overlooking the water. I have never known David to deny breakfast out, so, I knew he wouldn't be able to resist. Muahaha

It had rained the night before and it was a crisp, sunny day. (I just love that after the rain freshness; it perfectly fit the mood of the day.) I was practically hopping in my seat as we drove out on South Bay, along the estuary. David looked over at me, with a trace of nervousness in his eyes. I saw the look and said, "I'm flexing my faith bone, David.". I've never said those words before, but it was exactly how I felt. Nothing was guiding me at that point, but faith.

It was the most wonderful morning, just the three of us.

Morro Bay on a Tuesday morning is quiet and calm. Just us, some families still on spring break, and the retired enjoying our cups of coffee as we basked in the beauty of the central coast.

We tried out a new spot, the Blue Sky Bistro, on the opposite end of the Embarcadero as the Rock, an area I hadn't explored much. I ordered "The Rock" scramble – a big, hearty meal, loaded with protein. I couldn't help but think of my mother-in-law’s story of eating a huge breakfast the day she had David and throwing it all up later. I hoped that wouldn't be me, but knew I should get one good meal in if I was to go into labor anytime soon.

Gideon was in the best mood, and I was in the best mood because we were all together. It's the joy of my heart to watch my husband and son play together – they really are the best of friends.

After finishing up breakfast, we drove over to the boardwalk and took a leisurely stroll to the south side of Morro Rock. The water was glassy and crystal clear as the sun wasn't high in the sky yet. All the otters were out enjoying the sun and Gideon was out enjoying the remnants of the rain. He splashed and ran and fell in the puddles with glee! He made everyone's day as they watched him get happily, soaking wet. I felt so thankful for our life.

We walked back to the car and I was shocked I hadn't started having stronger contractions yet. Braxton Hicks were a regular occurrence of this pregnancy since 12 weeks, so they weren't telling me much. They had increased a lot in the last week and were definitely feeling stronger, but I told myself I wasn’t allowed to get excited till I saw a pattern in my contractions or had bloody show. I’m telling you, every time I went to the bathroom that morning, I wiped with eyes closed tight, hoping to see red when I opened them. But every time, it was clear.

I felt like doing some more walking before Gideon went down for a nap, so we headed over to Cloisters Park and to play and take another walk out to the beach. I was seriously surprised after all that walking that I wasn't at least feeling a little crampy. Haha

Alas, we headed home to rest. Perri had told me about contraction tracking apps and I decided to install one as we drove home just to see if my Braxton Hicks had fallen into any trackable pattern yet. I tracked a few and noticed I was having one at least every 10 minutes or less, but some were short while others were long. Nothing to get excited over.

Earlier, we had joked about today being our last chance to have sex for a while, and after putting Gideon down, it seemed like the right way to spend our time alone. Plus, we've all read sex can induce labor so...WIN, WIN! We did our thing and then snuggled up in bed to nap ourselves.

3:00 pm

I woke after an hour feeling crampy. "Could these be real contractions!?" (insert happy grin) I then immediately remembered a few things I hadn’t gathered yet for the home birth and hopped up to get those things together. I reopened the tracker app and committed to tracking for a full hour before I woke David with any news. The app had funny notifications as you tracked like "things are moving but this isn't really labor yet", or "get your bags ready, you're getting close", and my favorite, after an hour of tracking, "go to the hospital". Haha

4:15

I woke up David with a huge smile on my face. "I'm pretty sure I'm in labor!" Gideon wasn't even awake yet. I called the answering service to get ahold of Tiffany and tell her the news. It all felt so surreal, making steps toward preparing for the actual birth.

David's parents weren't in town yet, so we called the Saikis to come get Gideon for a sleepover. I had casually told them earlier in the day, to not go out of cellphone range in case I went into labor, and I'll never forget the joy in Heather's voice when I called the second time and she said, "OKAY! I was trying not to get my hopes up too much this morning when you said something, in case the anticipation was gonna last for a week or more, but now I'm REALLY excited!".

"Me too!" I said, all starry eyed.

I sat on the trunk, by the window in the living room, and chatted with Heather about how I was feeling when I suddenly began to question myself. I hadn’t felt a contraction or any tightness the whole time we were on the phone. But once I got up they started again in the same rhythm.

Gideon woke up cranky and David took him to the backyard to swing while I made myself some yogurt and berries. I figured I should eat now while I still felt up to it.

4:30

Tiffany called back while they were swinging and David answered. She told him she knew after I left the birth center the day prior that I would be calling within the next 48 hours. I got on and told her what I was experiencing and she told me that I could ask them to come whenever I felt like I needed company, and that I could probably expect things to start moving really quickly after we put Gideon to bed. After we got off the phone, I wondered how that comment would apply to us since Gideon wasn't going to sleep at home that night.

We set up our bedroom with the pool and supplies we needed for the home birth while we waited for the Saikis. I was still moving around the house easily and comfortably at this point.

5:30

The Saiki's arrived with flowers in hand (of course) and prayers on their hearts. I had them take one last picture of us as a family of three and then they laid hands on my belly and blessed me and Maple and the night ahead of us.

Gideon, his stuffed monkey, and pack n play were loaded up and we were about to say goodbye when someone said we should all guess what time Maple would be born. We began naming times when our friends, Hannah and Buddy drove up. Apparently they had driven by on their way for an evening hike and saw us all in front of the house and wondered what was going on.

"Hey! We need you to deliver a pizza!?", I yelled as they pulled up.

Hannah retorted, "I don't do delivery anymore."

"But I will be tonight, and I'm gonna need some pizza when I'm done!" I laughed, thinking I was hilarious.

"What? Are you gonna have a baby!?" Hannah said with wide eyes.

"YEP!" I said, grinning ear to ear.

They parked at the end of the driveway and hopped out.

"NO WAYYY." What are you doing out here then?" Hannah and Buddy were both shocked at the super laid back scene taking place.

Didn’t she just say she was about to have a baby?

That was actually a good question. How was I so casually hanging out with my friends when I was apparently en route to give birth to my second child?

I just bounced and swayed through the contractions that were still so bearable, sometimes bending my knees and leaning forward at a peek moment. It was kind of shocking how good I still felt.

Sam guessed the earliest time, 9:42pm and Hannah made a "sorry" face when she said the latest – three in the morning; she knew I was gunning for April 3rd as Maple's birthday.

One last quick prayer for no back labor (like I had with Gideon) and they were off and David and I were finally alone.

6:00

I went to our bedroom, turned on the fan and worship music, and asked David to get me some Recharge (an electrolyte drink) to begin boosting my system. He texted our close friends and family to tell them our baby girl was coming.

It was crazy how, just like Tiffany said, (although it wasn't putting him to bed) once taking care of Gideon was off my mind, the labor really did jump into action. I first began squatting with the contractions (the way I did in my last labor) but decided I should try something new this time and switched to swaying and moving in a more rhythmic motion. Things were ramping up quickly, but I was still totally handling it.

At one point I was squatting during a contraction, noticed some crumbs on the carpet and began grabbing them off the ground. When the contraction ended, I turned to David, who was laying on the bed laughing at me and asked him if he could do a quick vacuum of the house. He was still cracking up as he went to get the vacuum.

I tried sitting in between contractions, attempting to conserve energy, but when I began to notice the contractions moving farther apart, I decided to stay on my feet. I didn't want to drag the process out; I was ready to have this baby! I also experimenting with bouncing on an exercise ball which is something I didn't do last time. I wasn't a fan of that either, so back on my feet, I swayed and moved, squatted and danced through each contraction. I felt inspired to pray for Perri, who would also be in labor soon. My prayers felt so powerful in that space. I declared the goodness of God over us and our babies and our ability to do all things through Him who gives us strength.

7:00

Everything moved so quickly, and by seven I was ready to get in the pool. Tiffany told me that when “contractions are regular and strong, fill the tub part way with straight hot water”. For some reason I still wasn't quite sure if I was in real-deal active labor. My contractions were regular and they were strong but I had on my mind that they needed to be 3 to 4 minutes apart which they weren’t always. I looked it up to be sure, and all of the sudden remembered the 5-1-1 rule - contractions every 5 minutes, lasting 1 minute each, for at least 1 hour. Finally I admitted that I must be much closer than I thought.

I told David to get the tub filling. I knew I was close now, but how close? Did I want company yet?

I had a really intense contraction and during it said, "Okay, I think I'm ready for company". But when it ended I changed my mind and said "I don't know actually.". David decided to make the call fir me and told Tiffany that we were ready for them to come. That was at 7:10. (Thank God for husbands – amiright?")

After every contraction I felt like I needed to pee and sat on the toilet. Eventually, I decided I was over pulling my underwear up and down, up and down, and decided to just take them off.

A couple strong, uncomfortable contractions came and I thought about the back labor I experienced with Gideon and although I wasn't having any yet, I decided to try to poop, hoping that would alleviate any impending back labor to come. I was able to get some out and was happy about that. (What I didn't realize in the moment though, is that pushing out a poop is not much different than pushing for the baby...)

I walked out of the bathroom, and felt a contraction coming. I spread my legs wide apart and did a slow deep squat as it began to build, when suddenly, at the bottom of the squat, my water broke – more like BURSTED! It was like someone popping a water balloon with a needle. My waters shot out very intensely. It was actually really cool. I can't explain it, but I felt really excited about it happening that way!

"MY WATER JUST BROKE!", I yelled to David from the back! He came running in and said something about us having a good amount of time before she's born, but I told him I wasn’t sure, I remembered people telling me that when it breaks like that, it means the baby is coming quick!

7:18

David texted Tiffany about it right away, and she immediately called back.

"I'm on my way. I'll be there in 10 minutes. But if she has the baby without me, that's okay.". She wasn’t one bit worried.

David told me what she said and we both laughed. David wasn't really aware that she was being serious. I think I was though. A scenario of David catching Maple flashed through my head. It didn't scare me though. It actually felt like something we might experience at some point in our life, but not that day. I wanted Tiffany there for the birth.

Before I knew it, someone arrived - it was Natalie (one of the student midwives). She saw me squatting and said in a very calm voice, "Tiffany will be here really soon. Why don't you get on the bed?".

Part of me was hesitant because I hated laying down when I was in labor with Gideon, but I figured she was only suggesting it because it would help keep the baby in till Tiff arrived. Natalie told me later that when she walked in and saw me squatting she was thinking, "Oh crap, this baby is just gonna shoot out of her like that.". (Not her exact words but something along those lines. Haha)

I went over to to the bed, which is when I noticed that Gus was still in the room, curled up in a blanket on the floor. I laughed and then said, “David, get him out of here!”. Things had moved so quickly that Hannah and Buddy hadn’t come to get him yet. David swooped in and carried him out, as I crawled into the bed and laid on my side, holding my big round belly. A contraction came and I squeezed my legs together and moaned. It was not easy laying there. I wasn't even thinking about pushing. I was just waiting till I saw Tiffany

The 10 minutes laying there on the bed, passed quickly, and soon Tiffany was there – her cheery, peaceful self.

"You look great Natalie!".

"Do you want to check me?", I asked.

"I can, but I guarantee if you stick your fingers up there you'll feel her head.

I lifted my leg and reached in and immediately felt a fuzzy hard thing - her head was right there! (“I guess that's what bursted my waters!” I thought to myself.) I told David to do the same and he was shocked to also, so clearly feel her head.

Not too long after having Gideon, I read a birth story where the woman described how she always “let her body do most of the work during labor and only pushed when the baby was really ready to come out”. After pushing for 2 hours with Gideon, this was a very intriguing concept to hear about. I was so excited to try this out with my next baby. Well, without having to mentally make the decision while in labor with Maple, that was exactly what happened. The contractions had done all the work and she was right on the brink of coming into the world, she just needed a little push – or a big one.

"Can I start pushing?", I asked excitedly.

"Do whatever you want. I'm here when you're ready.", Tiffany said.

I knew I was ready, but I didn't know where/how I wanted to have her.

"Can I get in the tub?", Tiffany felt the water and said, “Unfortunately no, the water is too cold.”.

“Did I want to get up and squat?,” I thought, “No.”. I was stumped.

"You can just lift a leg and push right there. You don't have to move." She suggested.

I lifted my leg up with the next contraction but knew instantly that I didn't like that position. I pulled it back in and moaned and grabbed the pillow. I was naturally starting to turn over and suddenly remembered a dream I had at 12 weeks pregnant.

In the dream I was in labor. Everything had gone really fast and I was on hands and knees. The baby came out easy and fast. I grabbed the baby and spread it’s legs to check the gender and it was a girl! I woke up and knew God had told me the gender of our baby. I also always felt strongly that God had showed me a glimpse into her birth story.

Well, hands and knees was another position I, strongly disliked in labor with Gideon. Although, I didn't try it when pushing with him, and had been told by a friend that it feels much better pushing than just with contractions. I felt like maybe God really had shown me a glimpse into having this baby and decided to just go for it. I jumped up (well at least it felt like I did haha) onto my hands and knees on the bed and with the next contraction went for a push. I instantly felt the "ring of fire" sensation – her head was entering the birth canal – and remembered what pushing feels like and decided to stop. It was the strangest feeling; I felt her retract and went form the burning feeling to the powerful, intense feeling of the contraction. After the contraction ended, I made the decision that if I was going to push, I was going to push her out completely.

The next one was coming and I moved my hands and feet so they felt really firm and solid for the big push.

And then the song Fight My Battles came on! It was epic haha

Play this song as you read the rest of the story!

7:40

I began to push and she moved into the canal again. The push was long and strong and I held onto it. I could and also couldn't believe it when I felt her head crowning. I reached down and cradled my hand on her head as it came out and heard them exclaim, “7:40! She's born!”

Hearing that made extending the push to get her body out feel so easy. The rest of her body was out, and without thinking I just grabbed her and brought her close as I turned over to lay down. She cried and I was full of emotion. "I LOVE YOU!", I said.

"Just be careful of the umbilical chord.”, they said and helped me get comfortable as I held my baby close.

I love the freedom of birth with midwives. The trust, the comfort, the ease.

David laid down next to me and we gazed at our sweet Maple girl. She was here! We couldn't believe it. It seemed too easy. Somehow we cheated the system. How was it over already? It was so crazy, so funny. Gideon probably wasn't even in bed yet. I felt amazing! I was so happy!

Maple was covered in a thick, creamy, white layer of vernix caseosa. She was perfect.

I pushed out the placenta easy and David cut the chord. She nursed pretty easily after taking a few cracks at her hands first. (She must have been practicing on it in the womb and needed a little refresher.)

I held her for a long time before they did her newborn examination. 8 lb 4 oz. and 21 1/4 in. long of baby perfection. They said the cartilage in her left ear was slightly underdeveloped which told them that her gestational age of 39 weeks was probably accurate. That was pretty cool to hear.

Natalie and Gloria helped me shower and then cleaned up the room for us. I hopped into a newly made bed, ready for pizza. Hannah and Buddy dropped it off not long after she was born. How's that for timing! Haha

Soon enough we were alone again, and I chowed down on the Nichols pizza and sipped a glass of prosecco as I cradled our first daughter in my arms. I felt like the luckiest girl all over again.

Our friend Sam had prayed, just days before, that everything I desired for her birth would come to pass, and that's exactly what happened and so much more. I was believing for a short, easy, comfortable labor, and that’s what I got. It had been the perfect day, and start to a beautiful lifetime with Maple.

Whoever invented Friendsgiving was a genius. Any excuse to have Thanksgiving dinner early is alright by me. Plus it means double the feasting, and even when I’m not pregnant, I’m totally down.

I’m so thankful for the season my family is in right now, living on the central coast with practically all our best friends just blocks away. It’s been such a special time for our children to run wild together on the beaches and for us to seek the Lord together in our homes.

This was a year worth celebrating our increasing thankfulness for this wonderful blessing of togetherness.

When we party, we party in style and with no lack of food!

Flower arrangements and decor compliments of the very talented Hannah Chillingworth.

Happy Celebrating!

This is the first time I’ve brought my DSLR out to Montana de Oro. Such a beautiful day to be able to capture this beautiful coastline and share it with my family. Thanks for encouraging me to go photograph my beloved town, Brandon! (from Dec. 22, 2019)

Happy Photographing!

After spending two Christmases in Oregon, experiencing snow, tree farms, and a real need for boots, scarves, jackets and everything cozy, I couldn’t just settle for a Home Depot Christmas this year. I had heard rumors of a cute little tree farm just 30 minutes away in Atascadero, that served hot cider, popcorn, roasted chestnuts, and featured acres of happily planted trees to mosey through, and was really hoping to make this a new California tradition. Clearly this sounded much more ideal after the festive experiences I had the privilege of experiencing the past two years, but I also heard that the prices were steep considering they’re aren’t many Christmas tree farms in our neck of the woods (pun intended - obviously!). After finding out just how pricey the trees were, I decided I better promise David we would go just for the experience and hit up Home Depot afterward for the actual purchasing of a tree. I had also read though, that Hidden Springs had a small selection of “misfit” trees that were priced lower for their imperfections. I couldn’t help but secretly hope to find the perfect discount tree.

We walked all over the property listening to Christmas music and stuffing our faces with popcorn - with the majority being consumed by Gideon. The trees were beautiful, but definitely way out of our price range. I’d be lying if I didn’t say there was a moment where I kind of begged David to let us splurge this year, saying that “at least this was a better place for our money to go” (which I totally meant and still stand by) but in the end I just couldn’t justify spending $80 plus on a tree that would end up in the green waste bin in a month.

We were just about to leave when I stumbled upon a little row of misfits and there it was, our perfect Charlie Brown Christmas tree. And the best part is we SAVED money buying there! Our little imperfect/perfect tree was only fifteen dollars! Needless to say, we all went home extremely happy.

We will definitely be returning to Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm next year for another California Christmas.

Happy Tree Hunting!

When the results of our DNA blood test during my pregnancy with Gideon came in, we had the midwife call David and tell him the news. He wanted to surprise me. That night he took me on an extravagant (and might I say, AGGRAVATING) scavenger hunt leading me to the gender of our first baby – our boy, Gideon.

This time around, I thought it would be fun if we were both surprised in a special way together. We also both liked the idea of waiting till delivery to know the gender of any future babies, so if this was a girl, I wanted to make finding out extra special as we might not be finding out in my next pregnancies.

I created a master plan where not only we wouldn’t know, but none of our friends or family joining us for the reveal would know either. I purchased these confetti cannons which came with 2 blue and 2 pink cannons. I placed them in two identical paper bags and marked the bottoms “boy” and “girl”. Everyone I explained this plan to said it was risky and flawed and I needed to entrust one of my friends with the gender. “No, no, no!” I replied, “I don’t want anybody to know.” I then proceeded to them that I would also have our ultrasound technician write the gender of the baby on a card and place it in an envelope to mark the correct bag with. To go even further with keeping the news a secret, I brought along pieces of paper to tape on the bottoms of the bag so there would be no way we’d accidentally see which was which. As I write this out, I realize it sounds very complicated, but in the end it worked! And I was so delighted I went through with the plan of nobody knowing, because when we blasted off those confetti cannons it was so satisfying to hear the genuine surprise and excitement of all who were present!

I asked God for a girl months before I was pregnant. I love love love my boy, and of course I couldn’t wait to know what a daughter would be like too! Whenever people asked me what I thought the baby was, I would say “I asked for a girl, so I’m going with that”. I felt pretty confident God gave me my girl right up until the day of our ultrasound. I sat in the car with my bladder full to the brim (just as the doctor ordered haha) and anxiously chatted with David and Kasey about what was going through my mind. The unknown was starting to sink in. Then when I was laying on the ultrasound bed, it really started to hit me that we had a fifty-fifty chance here of it being a girl. The only person in the room who knew was the ultrasound tech and I was started to doubt my confidence.

But the next day while everyone was arriving to watch the cannons announce the news, I had this strong sense that I knew something that nobody else knew. She was a girl.

That didn’t stop the amazement in my eyes as I watched pink confetti float down onto us. Nor did it stop the classic Natalie happy dance that followed. David, on the other hand was genuinely shocked. He always errors on the side of what I’m not necessarily rooting for to cushion a possible fall. I love him dearly for this, but this time I was right!

We have a daughter!!!!!!!!!!!

Watch the video below to watch our reactions unfold!

Happy Revealing!

THE RANS ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!

This type of news seems to get around quicker than you expect, but if you haven’t already heard, that’s the big news in our family. The extra big news will be found on the next blog post. ;)

I took a pregnancy test the morning of Gideon’s first birthday party (the day before he officially turned one). Two pink lines appeared and just like that, another baby was in our lives.

With our first baby growing up way too fast, I was so so happy to find out that morning that our newborn days were far from over! And what a special gift for Gideon to receive on his birthday – not that he had, or even has any clue what is coming in just four short months haha.

I am currently 21 weeks pregnant and we are expecting Baby Rans #2 in early April!

By our 5th anniversary (April 26th, 2019), we’ll have two babies to hold. I’d say that’s a pretty great accomplishment of our marriage and love.

Happy Baby Making! ;)

Photos by my best friend Kasey Truax – taken in Montaña de Oro State park in our home town of Los Osos, CA